Selene Vernen wakes up on a beautiful Sunday morning, getting ready to make the trek to Novus for the weekly fruits and vegetables deliveries. She cleans herself up and joins her father and brother for breakfast. After she finishes her breakfast, Selene puts her shoes on and heads out the door.
“I’m going to go for a walk before we go, Father” she screams as she opens the door to the outside.
“I will be back within half an hour.”
“Okay Selene, don’t be out too long,” her father shouts back.
Selene closes the door and quickly realizes she forgot something. She slams the door open and quickly runs to her room to retrieve the Praxism book that she found in her family’s things. She bolts out of the house and quickly makes her way to the forest. She cautiously looks around her to make sure no one is in sight. After making sure no one is around, she darts towards the Abandoned Temple. Selene looks around and takes a deep breath. She loves being in the temple. It gives her a sense of hope that one day Praxism will rise once again. She starts making her rounds around the temple, cleaning it up and clearing any debris in the main path way. After cleaning it all up, she sets up a small incantation to bless the temple and wish for it to be free of anyone who would want to destroy the temple.
Once that is all done, she makes one last round. She sweeps under the altar and hits something hefty. She looks down wondering if she swept a large rock. Instead of a large rock, she finds another Praxism book. This book is not like the book Selene has though. This book contains a lot more spells and secrets about magic from enhancing one’s magical powers to summoning devils and creating golems. Selene looks around, making sure that no one is around. After a quick glance, she snatches the book up and rushes out of the temple and heads straight back home.
Selene storms through the doors of her home and sprints to her room.
“Selene, is that you?” her father yells.
“Yes it is, Father” Selene replies back.
“Alright, get ready. We’ll be leaving for Novus soon.”
Selene opens one of her largest bags and hides both Praxism book she found under everything in her bag. She gathers all her bags and heads down stairs. Her father and brother get the cart wagon ready as Selene throws her stuff in the back of the wagon.
“Alright, here we go,” her father hollers.
The Vernen family leaves and starts their trip to Novus. About twenty minutes into the trip, the family come across an outpost that regulates trade. Pax looks up from his post and gets ready to search the wagon. Selene starts to get fidgety and nervous as the wagon gets closer to the outpost. In her fidgetiness, she accidently elbows her brother.
“Ow, Selene why are you shaking so much? It’s like you’re hiding something” her brother exclaims.
“Sorry, I was itching my legs. I’m really itching right now” Selene replies back.
As the wagon reaches the outpost, Selene’s father moves all the bags out of the wagon for Pux to inspect. Selene’s bag with the Praxism books are last in the row.
“Hey Pux, how’s it going?” her father says.
“This is the life. Easy work, nice pay and nothing to worry about. I’m having a blast.” Pux happily says.
Pux goes down the row of bags, one by one, searching through the bags. As Pux gets to Selene’s bag, Selene searches for an excuse to not be around as her bag is inspected.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom” Selene weakly says.
Selene leaves the area as Pux starts to examine her bag. Selene hides behind a tree and watches from a distance as Pux rummages through her bag. Pux reaches down all the way her bag and finds the two Praxism books. He looks up at the father and stares back down at the bag dumbfounded. He knows his main job is to control the trade and make sure no illegal trades are being made, but he does not know how to handle a situation like this. He has never run into something like this.
“Is something wrong?” her father inquired.
“Nothing wrong. Just got a brain freeze. I lost my train of thought for a sec there.” Pux lies.
Pux is fully aware of the trouble he will get in by the king if he lets this slide into Novus. He also knows that there are no checkpoints past this point to Novus. He considers letting them off a capital treason and hopes that the family will get away with it. Meanwhile, Selene’s heart drops as she realizes Pux has found the books. Much to her surprise, Pux does nothing about it and Selene makes the bold move to return to the outpost.
Selene arrives back to the outpost and Pux looks up at her. Selene nervously smiles and waves. Pux waves back, but his facial demeanor informs her that he knows.
“Alright, you are all set to go. I want to speak to Selene in private though” Pux sighs.
“Sure thing, Pux. Have a good rest of your day” Selene’s father excitedly says back.
Selene waddles over to Pux and stares at the ground. Pux crosses his arms and stares down at Selene.
“Selene, I saw what you have in your bag. That could lead you and your father and brother to capital shaming. It would discredit your family business. Do you know how much trouble you could be in?” Pux scolds.
Selene nods her head, continuing to stare at the ground. Pux sighs reluctantly.
“I’ve never been in this situation before, but I am letting you go. For the sake of both of us, do NOT get caught. I will be punished too if you are caught. Do you hear me!? You are bringing those books right into the heart of enemy territory.” Pux exclaims.
Selene immediately looks up at Pux in confusion and awe. Pux secretly wishes that Praxism would make a comeback but has never gathered the courage do so.
“Do you want Praxism to come back?” Pux inquires.
Selene nods her head vigorously.
“I want you to look for my friends in Novus. Most of them are soldiers and a couple of them are generals in the army. Look for them and they will join you in your campaign for Praxism.” Pux demands.
Selene nods her head and heads to the wagon. Both Pux and Selene know that if Selene is caught possessing the books, that everyone close to them will be in major trouble. As the wagon leaves, Selene pops out from the back of the wagon and waves to Pux. Pux waves back at Selene as her and her family head to Novus, praying for her safety and the uncertain outcome of his future.
Most of my concern revolves around the character of Pux. First of all, the first time he is introduced his name is Pax and then it is changed to Pux for the rest of the scene. Another concern I had for this character was how he knew generals in the army. Being a believer in a secret or dead or suppressed religion makes sense for a guard out in nowhere who is watching the only check point between some farmlands and the capital city, but how in the world is he friends with someone as powerful as a general. Is Pux the youngest son of some noble’s family who got an easy assignment, or is was he someone important once upon a time and is riding out the last few years of his service on this post. I am guessing that Pux’s post is not that important as he is alone, there is only one check point on this road, and no other wagons are seen passing through during this event. It also makes sense that he has friends who are soldiers but generals are not usually drinking buddies with enlisted men. Also there seems to be a switch of perspectives. At the beginning of the story we are following Selene around but the last line is Pux’s inner thoughts so the point of view is a very selective third person since we do not get the father’s or brother’s inner thoughts at any point. Some grammatical and technical concerns, aside from Pux’s name being wrong when he is introduced. In the first sentence fruits and vegetables does not need to be plural, and unless they are delivering individual orders of produce neither does deliveries. Selene screaming as she leaves makes it seem like she is furious or terrified as she opens the door in an otherwise fairly calm scene. She also manages to know the entire contents of the book before picking it up which is impressive to know the least, never mind this possibly ancient book being in a language she can understand. Additionally Pux saying he lost his train of thought suggests the existence of trains. If there is not trains in this world then this could be explained away as a wagon train but the phrase could cause some confusion if the reader is paying attention. As a last note there are no links in this story and consequently I have no idea what your two people, place, or thing were.