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Dire Kangaroos

Alright that's IT.   I can take a pub where people beat each other up, and bread-baking Orcs but a giant Kangaroo as a mode of transportation is where I draw the line.   Regular Kangaroos are terrifying, and you expect me to believe that a bloody massive one can be tamed into carrying people around.   It's not like that? Oh. Well I guess that makes sense.

Basic Information

Anatomy & Morphology

Like a regular Kangaroo, but on more steroids than normal. Built like a brick shithouse. It's literally just bones, meat and evil rolled into a single package.   Okay they're not evil, but jesus they're scary, okay?  

Just don't go outside, man. I can't take moving houses for the 4th time in a row.
— Branden, Dire Kangaroo frequent flyer

Growth Rate & Stages

At birth they are the size of a regular human. When fully grown, they can easily reach 17ft in Height. Their pouch can fit two whole humans inside.   When they reach their full size, it's like a switch flips in them that makes them realise just how much they own the land around them. They go from avoiding very public areas, to deliberately moving through streets just because they know people wont fuck with them.

Additional Information

Perception and Sensory Capabilities

'Cause they're bigger their hearing is really good. If they're around you have absolutely no reason to sneak. They already know.   I'm also pretty sure they can smell fear. That's not documented or anything, but I mean- I've seen the way they look at people. They absolutely know. I know that they know.

Civilization and Culture

History

Let's make one thing absolutely clear.   These creatures, have not, and never will be tamed. It has barrels for biceps for crying out loud. So how I wonder did they end up being an animal of transport?   It's actually by choice. These guys hop from town to town, and every now and again they just- pick people up. In the pouch you go, off to god knows where.   You don't get to leave the pouch.

Scientific Name
Absolutus Unitus bouncybouncyn
Conservation Status
You think these things need protection?
Average Height
15-17ft

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Comments

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7 Aug, 2019 09:37

Do there exist DIre kangaroos with boxing gloves as well?

7 Aug, 2019 13:31

One managed to get both its hands stuck in a couple of bins, so kind of! If you count metal containers as boxing gloves. There was a LOT of damage to repair that particular week.

2 Oct, 2019 11:49

*reads this* *is hungry and wonders if I could eat one*... well I always knew I'd die trying to eat something I shouldn't.