The Mirage Saloon

I couldn't tell if it was my alcoholism, or if I really was seein' it— a saloon suddenly appeared in the distant desert. Maybe I really shoulda quit.

— A wandering drunk

The Mirage Saloon is a mythical saloon that appears mysteriously within mirages throughout the world— making it, its drinks, and its patrons, elusive— and all the more curious.

Wavering Walls

From a distance, the Mirage Saloon appears as exactly that— a mirage. Its form is blurry, distorted, and warping in the distant heat. Those who approach the saloon, however, will notice something strange— the saloon's form does not solidify as it gets closer, it simply continues to warp as if the viewer were far from it. In fact, the saloon always appears as if it were a mirage, no matter how close one gets to it. Even when inside, one will note that the wooden walls are distorted and wavering.
The saloon itself is of fairly average size— one can walk across its entire length in a single minute. Its walls are covered in pale-red wallpaper, the pattern upon which cannot be discerned due to their distorted nature. A second floor loft can be accessed by deceptively wobbly stairs, which are actually quite solid upon contact. Despite this, many a drunk patron has tripped and fallen on them— having mentally prepared themselves to balance on precarious steps that were in truth, not precarious at all.

Th stairs! They's runin' away frum me!

— A drunk

The saloon's furniture is as distorted as its walls, with myriad round tables taking up the floor— each surrounded by wooden chairs. Those who have sat in these chairs have noted that they are incredibly comfortable, though they could not say how. The bar top is capped by some sort of bright red stone slab, though distorted as it is, none can discern its make. A series of hanging electric lights, shielded by pale-yellow covers, allow patrons to see inside, though it is unknown how the saloon gets electricity— as it appears to lack an ool engine.

A chance meeting

It is unknown, even to its patrons, why the saloon appears where and when it does. Despite appearing as if it were a mirage, the Mirage Saloon can appear in any climate— even in the cold snow. It always appears somewhere remote, however, and only to small groups of people. Some believe it seeks out specific people, those it deems "worthy." Others attach some religious significance to it, while more attribute it to random chance.

Watering Hole

The Mirage Saloon is manned by only one staff member— the Barkeep, who simply goes by their job title. They, like the saloon itself, appear distorted and blurry— a dark wavering figure that only gets more difficult to make out as one gets closer. Despite their potentially alarming appearance, however, the Barkeep is beloved by most who take the time to talk with them.
They seem to be knowledgeable about all corners of Umqwam— despite never seeming to leave their post. Most assume that they get their information by speaking with patrons, though they seem to know more than this alone should allow. Often, the Barkeep will tap into some deep-seated concern of their patrons, surprising them with extraordinarily relevant words of support and advice.
The drinks they serve are just as beloved, their tastes and properties are not found in any beverages outside of the Mirage Saloon. Patrons do not request drinks, rather, the Barkeep will present them with something custom-mixed. Each drink contains an emotion— one that the patron has longed to feel. For one, this may be the feeling of coming home after many years, for another this may be that of well earned rest, and yet another may contain the feeling of love. These feelings last as long as the drink does, and then linger for varying amounts of time afterwards. If one were to leave the saloon early, the feeling would immediately dissipate.
The Barkeep accepts just about anything as payment, money— no matter the currency, information, valuables, help cleaning up the saloon, or even a friendly smile. Sometimes, if they're in a good mood— or a patron is in especially dire need of the emotion their drink contains— it'll be on the house.

Legendary Patrons

It's only fitting that a lengendary saloon would have legendary patrons, previous guests have included figures such as the playwright Lasaak Powlaan, Tiyaay, other saawkamut, myriad gunsmiths— who have shared trade secrets within its walls, and even the Tsa of Vitaw— gathering information for their reclusive leader.
Not all patrons are welcomed happily, however. Infamous individuals find their way past the saloon's swinging doors every now and then, one such patron was the saawkamut hunter— Tiil Laaw. At the time of his visit, two other saawkamut were presently drowning their sorrows— making them easy targets. Seeing the opportunity, Tiil Laaw drew his gun— but it never fired. Within an instant, the Barkeep rose— and the hunter found himself miles away from where he entered the saloon.

As long as I live— and that will be much longer than you think— no one will fight in my saloon.

— The Barkeep