The Smiling Shoggoth
Hospitality for a variety of species, good drink, and better information
As seen in
The Smiling Shoggoth was a local landmark. Not because it was big, or busy, or scummy, or especially ritzy, but because its proprietor was a genuine-article shoggoth. Shaundar had heard of Big Mike –- who hadn’t? –- but he’d thought the creature a selkie-story. Not so; he (if he was the accurate term) floated serenely behind the finely-carved, rounded oak bar, using a pseudopod to push a polishing rag around in circles. Eyes peered out in all directions, forming and dissolving from the crown of his amorphous maroon body like Medusa’s tentacles, while the enormous, heavy-lidded blue central eye that took up most of his “face” gazed straight ahead. Unusually, all of his eyes matched. He was humming a slightly off-key star shanty to himself in a gruff baritone. When he saw them, his eyes brightened and a broad mouth slashed itself open from the seamless mass into a somehow cheery grin, despite the many dagger-sharp teeth that filled it. “Molly!” he exclaimed.The Smiling Shoggoth is a popular tavern on the notorious port of Freebooter's Rock. It is known for good quality drink and accommodations for a variety of species, and better information. The tavern gets its name from its unusual proprietor, a Shoggoth known as "Big Mike." No one knows why he decided to start an inn among species that are clearly alien to him, but he has become a fixture in the culture of Freebooter's Rock. It is said that most of the movers and shakers on the Rock owe him a favour--or fear angering him, because he knows things about them that they would rather were not made public.
Purpose / Function
Big Mike built his inn when Freebooter's Rock was still a new settlement on an errant asteroid. Originally constructed on a small pasture, it soon became crowded out by larger buildings as the nascent streets of the city began to form. Now it is one of many buildings on a busy cobblestone street, with a narrow, dark alley behind it. It was always intended to be an inn and was built with comfort in mind. But, as the population of the Rock expanded and diversified, achieving "comfort" for the varying species became a progressively more difficult task. Mike rose to the challenge, providing a variety of seating, drinks, and cuisine options, which he is always changing to meet the needs of his clientele. Still, he often finds that simplicity has the greatest widespread utility, and so meals tend to such things as stirfries and stews.
Shaundar quickly saw the clever design of the furniture. For instance, the barstools had a couple of rails mounted at strategic points along the stem. A gruff dwarf with a red beard streaked white and an ivory peg leg was able to stomp himself up on the stool by using one of rails as a step. He lit an oversized calabash pipe and the room was quickly filled with sour tobacco smoke, like the stuff Shaundar was smoking before he came to the Temple-Brothel. At the other end of the bar, three gnome bards accompanied their attractive and talented front girl with fiddle, mandolin and accordion. Shaundar dropped a few of his limited coins into their fiddle case. Two dragonfolk stretched out on couches playing backgammon while a human free trader discussed business eye-to-eye with a gnome in a high chair. A trio of robed Cthulans huddled in a corner couch, wriggling their tentacles in animated discussion; everyone else gave them a wide berth. The bar’s other employee, a pretty blond human girl, asked them if they were done with their drinks and would they like another? One of them waved an empty glass with its strange three-fingered hand; the barmaid took it away and returned a few moments later with something green and bubbling. A pair of decorated pachyderms came in about halfway through the night. They took over a table with big, sturdy oaken chairs and proceeded to sing three hours’ worth of off-key military chants, unfortunately drowning out the skilled bards, while they put away so many shots of rum that Shaundar figured they must have disposed of about a cask between them. Before Shaundar knew it, Mike was bellowing, “All right, that’s it folks! Last call!”
Design
He started floating up a winding banister that circled around to a second floor, and most of the eyes whirled about to study Shaundar pointedly, as if to ask, are you coming? Mollified, Shaundar shouldered his pack and followed, his boots clomping up the oak steps. His hand traced the brass banister and he suddenly missed being on a ship’s deck. He was shown to a room at the top of the stairwell. “That’s so’s you can come runnin’ if I need you and you’re sleepin’,” Mike explained. A pseudopod stretched out to turn the brass knob. Shaundar was pleased to note that the well-oiled hinges hardly squeaked when it swung wide. The shoggoth bobbed into the room, just squeezing through the doorway. He focused on a match for a moment. It struck itself against a desk and then lit a lamp. The space was warm and inviting, though much more simple than his quarters in the Temple-Brothel. A simple chest, a brass coat rack, a small desk and a plain cot with a wool blanket and cotton sheets comprised the furniture, but an equally beautiful painting adorned the wall, illuminated by the lamp-light. The artist had immortalized sunrise around Telasia’s moon Arianrhod, with the Brisingamen Cluster trailing like spilled diamonds against the Void. “You like it?” the shoggoth asked him, rotating around to fix him with that mammoth central eye. “Looks comfy,” he admitted. He indicated the painting. “That’s beautiful.” Mike chuffed and his grin devoured his face. “Really? That’s mine.” Shaundar was aghast. “You painted that? Did you paint the Rainbow Nebula for the Temple?” If it were possible for an ink blot to puff up, Mike did so. Shaundar thought he tipped his body upwards just a little and his eyes gleamed. “As a matter of fact, I did.” The elven marine shook his head in admiration. “I’m humbled by your talent.”
Architecture
Most of the building is constructed of wood and plaster, with a shingled roof and a hardwood interior. The windows are of paned glass, which were very expensive when Mike installed them.
A set of thick double doors opens up into a large common room on the main floor. It features several large windows (with secure metal shutters,) a fireplace, and a curved oak bar. There are numerous tables, chairs and couches designed for a variety of species, including daybeds and large cushions.
Most of the first floor is open-plan. A curved set of stairs with a banister runs up the right hand side of the barroom from the main doors, leading to a promenade and inn rooms on the second floor. These are usually reserved for live-in employees and distinguished guests.
The staircase continues around to a half-second floor, supported by a wooden pillar in the dead center of the main floor. This large common area can be rented out by groups, such as ship's crews. It is strewn with hammocks, pillows, and cots. Water tanks or tubs can even be requested, though Mike draws the line at destructive requests, such as pits of fire or pools of acid.
An off-building connects to the tavern behind the bar. This three-story dwelling contains the larder and kitchen on the main floor, with a cellar underneath. No one knows what is on the upper floors, because these are private areas reserved for Big Mike's use.
Secrets of the Smiling Shoggoth
The main body of the inn is actually a specially constructed Instant Fortress. Not only is it more defensible than it looks, but it is bigger on the inside than the outside, and it can be miniaturized and carried away at a moment's notice with the appropriate magical command.
Tourism
The Smiling Shoggoth was a hopping place. A few of the patrons cast Shaundar strange looks as lurked by the door in his orcish armour, but not as many as he expected. Then again, next to a bartending shoggoth, what would look strange? Watching Mike draw draught with his pseudopods and telekinesis was more than enough entertainment for one evening. He was downright chatty too. Customer after customer greeted him like an old friend, and they came in every race known to space.
“You still here for a reason, Cap'n, or are you just jaw-jackin'?” demanded Mike of the dwarf. “I want to know when that next cargo of Elf-Navy one-offs is due in,” Cap'n Thorson said, leaning back a little on his heels. “It'll cost you, Cap'n,” the bartender warned as he directed his flying rag to dip in a wash basin and wring itself out.
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Big Mike by Pixabay
Me while reading: "How does a Shoggoth smile? ... Oh. O_O Yeah that works!" I really like the owner here and the way he takes care of the place and makes everyone feel welcome. Also I'm a sucker for bar owners that know too much and use it well.
Too low they build who build beneath the stars - Edward Young