1-01 Why, hello there!

"Why, hello there!"
Horatio's stylus was poised above his recorder as he stared at the bi-colored being. The bi-colored being stared back, considering the creature who had appeared before its eyes.
"STEVE! APPROVES OF THIS WORLD, PROFESSOR."
Horatio didn't respond to his diminutive companion's bellow right away. Instead, he continued staring right into the creature's eyes, searching for any movement or response. His stylus continued to hover, but remained in place. In response, the stylus gave off the scent of disappointment.
"Well, I thought it would," Horatio finally sighed. "I attempted to bring us first to a place much like your homeland. I wouldn't have wanted you to become too disoriented on your first trip across universes, now, would I? I tried taking another assistant of mine across to the other side and the moment we got there he promptly exploded. And all without giving a two week notice."
"STEVE! DOES NOT EXPLODE. STEVE! IS READY TO AID THE PROFESSOR IN ALL OF HIS EXPLORATIONS AND WILL GIVE TWO WEEKS NOTICE IF STEVE! GROWS UNFIT FOR THE TASK."
The stylus twitched when the bi-colored being chewed its food, but despite a brief scent of anticipation, soon returned to its odor of disappointment.
"Of course you are, Supreme Ultimate Battle Mage STEVE! That is why I hired you. Well, that and for your excellent magical skills, which surely will supplement my more...mmmm...scientific approach.
The bi-colored being grew bored and lowered its head to the grass again, tearing out the blades with ruthless efficiency. The stylus now puffed its exasperation at Horatio.
"JUST STEVE!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"PROFESSOR CAN CALL STEVE! STEVE! PROFESSOR DOESN'T NEED TO USE STEVE'S FULL TITLE. WHEN IN DANGER, EASIER TO CALL JUST STEVE!"
Horatio chuckled and gave the stylus something to do by jotting down a few terse comments in his recorder. "And you can call me Harry for short, then. When one traverses the multiverse as I have, one appreciates both the fullness of another's title, and yet the flexibility of another's familiar name, don't you think?"
"STEVE! DOESN'T KNOW. STEVE! WOULD RATHER CALL STEVE!'S EMPLOYER BY HIS TITLE. BUT STEVE! WILL TRY TO KEEP STEVE!'S MIND OPEN."
The wind of this world tugged at Horatio's hat and he adjusted it to maintain its hold on his head. He slipped his recorder and pen back into the breast pocket of his jacket and surveyed the landscape—green, but a bit stark. Rocks dotted the landscape to puncture the short, windswept grasses and mosses that covered the islands that seemed to gasp for breath before the next ocean waves could pull them into gray water. Trees stooped like beaten slaves to the wind. White birds screamed across the cloud-laden sky.
"STEVE WANTS TO KNOW WHY PROFESSOR HARRY TALKS TO A bò bainne."
The battle dwarf's question jarred Horatio out of his contemplation. He made an adjustment to his spectacles. "My apologies, STEVE! I didn't catch that last word."
"COW. WHY DOES HARRY TALK TO A BLOODY COW? MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO IN THIS WORLD."
"Like what?"
"DRINK WHATEVER FORM OF FERMENTED BEVERAGE PASSES FOR SUCH HERE."
"Well, if I don't ask Mr. Cow, how will we ever find out, now?"
"COW IS A THING, NOT A NAME. AND STEVE! GROWS THIRSTY."
Horatio puzzled a moment, then his eyes rolled and he retrieved his recorder once more. After taking a few notes and the stylus had given off a scent of extreme satisfaction at doing its job, Horatio faced the cow again.
"That you, my good sir. My apologies for interrupting your lunch. We'd best be off to find my companion something more suitable to his requirements here."
The cow looked at Horatio and continued chewing its cud. After a moment, it let out a short 'moo' and turned back towards the rest of the herd.
"AND COW IS A WOMAN COW. PROFESSOR HARRY SHOULD TAKE NOTE."
"Oh, all you mammals look alike to me. How am I supposed to lift up every skirt and determine which sex you are all? At least you only have two biological chromosomal variations on this planet among your meso-fauna."
"STEVE CARES NOT ABOUT SEX. JUST MEAD AND MEAT AND KEEPING PROFESSOR SAFE."
Horatio pulled something else out of his pocket. To the average on-looker in this dimension, it appeared to be something like an elaborately decorated stopwatch with geometric patters etched across its gleaming metallic surface. He tickled the surface. It rippled. For a moment, it disappeared, but Horatio kept his palm open and soon something reappeared in its place. That something looked more like every description of Euclidean geometry had leapt out of some child's school textbook and collided with every singe one of Aristotle's shapes simultaneously.
"Fligbug? Come on, Fliggy. Wake up."
The thing took on a vibrant sets of hues ranging from almost-red to somewhat-yellow.
Horatio smiled at it and pet a few of its vibrating appendages. "That's a good slug. Do you mind taking us to whatever passes for a Dwarven Battle Pub on this planet?"
"AYE, LADDIE! ONE THAT OFFERS CHEESE BREAD."
If a human of this universe were to have observed the next moment, he would have fallen back in shock as the space around Horatio and STEVE! was suddenly engulfed by the explosion of a trillion shards of reality, turned inward on them, and filled the entire scene with an instant of anti-light. And, actually, every human and being in the entire universe did happen to observe it, but chalked it off to simply a trick of the mind or light or some rare antennae-flipper vibrating an aria towards the three-headed god of dreams.