Bob Schlimme
False Advertisement
Bob Schlimme
He's the first merchant I ever hired that made us have profit loss of five thousand percent. I'd be dead before he ever is allowed within the city walls.
Amongst the many scammers of Sichelan is one known as Bob Schlimme. A silver-tongued salesman of counterfeit magic items and potions, wanted in several states due to a variety of incidents. Always trying to make a sale to an unsuspecting adventurer to make a quick buck.
Physical Description
General Physical Condition
Bob is a Tiefling distinct by his goat horns and dark grey skin, messy black hair and a cocky expression. A stereotypical depiction of the half-fiend race whose appearance seems older than his actual age might be. But his voice still keeps that late-20s tone of a swindler.
Knee-high boots and oversized gloves ensures that nothing fights against him. Regular tunics accompanied by a large traveller’s backpack, an appearance ideal for a merchant.
Special abilities
Bob is not exactly a wizard, but he knows a few lesser spells and inherits some magic from his fiendish bloodline. A combination of enchantment and illusion allows him to persuade clients, mask lies and ensure that nobody sees through his trickery until it is too late.
Granted, his spells are weak, and any experienced spellcaster can see through them. Only the common folk and inexperienced fall for his silver tongue.
Specialized Equipment
A decent history with magic items lends Bob some knowledge of using them. His only method of self-defence is a dagger kept on his belt, but he has a lot of tools to escape combat. From a ring of Blinking to invisibility potions, even having his boots provide some feather falling as well. There is no situation where Bob cannot get himself out of trouble.
Mental characteristics
Accomplishments & Achievements
Bob’s long history as a merchant made him able to scam several dozen people for many reasons. Hundreds of items he stole, gouged their prices and sold for a profit, while making a small fortune as well. Even he does not know what he has all sold over the years.
List of Known Sales
- Winged boots that were just shoes with chicken wings glued on.
- Ring of Fireball with the target range of the spell being only itself.
- Wand of Raise Dead that made any body it got used on levitate.
- Nightvision goggles that made everything seem like it was nighttime.
- Several potions that were water with some food dye in it.
- Tree bark disguised as Dragon scales.
- A potion that provides courage, was actually some very strong ale.
- Potion of strength that was stuck in an unbreakable bottle.
- A Bag of Holding which spat people's items into other realms.
- A page of Maritesa's Diary. Unsure if it was a real page.
- A sword Bob carved with fake runes.
- A spell book said to be written in invisible ink. Actually was just blank.
Failures & Embarrassments
One of his more notorious incidents is the burning of Faramund. By trying to get rid of a competitor's Witchstick supply, he burned down the stall the merchant was using. The magical fire caused to spread around the district, setting ablaze several buildings in the incident.
Ever since, he cannot legally enter Faramund by request of the Trade Winds Guild.
Personality Characteristics
Likes & Dislikes
Likes
- Historical facts
- Oblivious customers
- Money
Dislikes
- Nicolas Sauter
- Comparing his work to others
- Getting scammed
Virtues & Personality perks
Despite his troubles being trustworthy, Bob knows how to lure in customers. A salesman at heart, he can sell anything to anyone, provided he can hook them in with an item.
His vast knowledge of magic items also makes him precautious. Even if he might not tell others about the dangers, he knows his safety around more dangerous arcana.
Vices & Personality flaws
Selfishness drives the Tiefling in everything he does, showing very little empathy to those around him. It leads to him abandoning any situation that seems too problematic at a moment’s notice. Even clients deemed close to he will turn a blind eye to when things go sour.
He is also not against exploiting others for his own goals and schemes. Even if he knows his limits, he will ask people to do his bidding to help with something. If they get injured or worse is not his problem. As long as they get what he wants and don’t bother him about the details.
Social
Mannerisms
The merchant’s manners are expressive, combining hand gestures with a vivid body language. As nonchalant as he is, Bob ends up ignoring personal space and expresses his opinions about people without a second thought. Something that can be as beneficial as it is problematic.
In conversation, Bob circles around others, cutting off exits or trying to prepare one himself. Compliment sandwiches are frequent with him, praising people first before critiquing them, only to end with another compliment. A risky tactic on some, but one that works most of the time.
His expressive movement only gets worse when trying to save face, getting defensive at the slightest critique. Arms spread out to keep space or close to his chest to protect himself.
Relationships
History
The relationship between Bob Schlimme and Nicolas Sauter is a short-lived one. When Bob first came to Faramund to deploy his own schemes, he quickly was confronted by the Trade Winds Guild. With some struggle he eventually registered himself, joining the guild to "legally" do his trading.
That quickly came to an end however, when Bob caused an arson within the city's walls, almost burning half the capital down to try and ruin another merchant's stall. In a fleeing panic he fled the place, chased by the guards and only escaping by the hair on his chin. Ever since, Nicolas banned his presence from the place, demanding immediate capture if he does shows up.
Nicknames & Petnames
- For Bob Schlimme: Goat, Longhorns
- For Cindy Schlimme: Sis, Cin
Let the meme of the Hated One live on.