Bench Trolls

"You want sit? You answer riddle!"

Basic Information

Standing at about 6 inches tall, these tiny trolls infest most towns and cities with convenient public seating. Bench trolls tend to be green or light blue and adorn themselves with any rubbage they can attach to their bodies easily. They have pointed, elf-like ears, large brown or red eyes, cat-like teeth, and tend to have an underbite. While they have no way of smithing weapons, a bench troll will immediately seize any sharp object it finds and wield it as a weapon. As the name suggests, they tend to prefer hunkering under and around benches, though they will take up residence anywhere a good sit may be had- even infesting the homes of citizens if a towns infestation is severe enough, though they do prefer to be out of doors. These tiny terrors fill their days eating rubbage and “defending” their homes. If some unsuspecting sitter has the gall to relax on a bench claimed by a troll, the troll will become immediately defensive. We don’t know quite why the “defense” involves spitting out a garbled, sometimes incomprehensible, riddle, but the result of not giving a correct answer (correct by the trolls’ standards), is a frenzied attack filled with biting and stabbing. Though the troll will be insistent on an answer, more often than not, these riddles cannot be solved with logic. Sometimes the troll will ask in simple Common, the riddle of the Sphinx. The accepted answer to this well-known riddle is “Man”, however, the troll may insist the answer is “My aunt Susan!” even though it has no concept of what an aunt is. While a bench troll does generally speak Common, they cannot hold intelligent conversation for much longer than it takes to shout a simple riddle.

Temperament

Aggressive. A bench troll will attack any bench troll it sees. Other creatures, it will usually only attack if the creature cannot answer its riddle. These tiny trolls do not know the difference between a creature who can speak and one that cannot (I.E. they will ask a cat the same riddle they would ask a human and expect it to answer), and do not understand any language but Common, despite looking somewhat similar to goblins.

Genetics and Reproduction

Bench trolls do not subscribe to the dichotomy of male and female in terms of mating or biological sex. They are all of one sex: Bastard. This does not mean bench trolls are asexual- in fact, they reproduce through battle. These trolls are inherently troll-aggressive and will not live in even remote peace with another troll nearby. Once a troll spots another, it will immediately attack and the frenzied battle will result in the sudden appearance of a baby troll. Youngling bench trolls are “born” completely able to walk, talk, and fend for themselves, though they are roughly half the size of a full grown adult. Taking after its parents, a newly created bench troll will likely immediately attack any bench trolls in the vicinity, which often leads to immediate infant death, as the parents are usually still in the midst of their battle and will kill the infant without hesitation.

Lifespan

These creatures generally do not live past 5 years. Luckily, these pests have a high infant mortality rate, kill each other often, and get eaten by larger animals so often that even a large city will almost never get a very severe infestation. The only towns and cities that tend to get overrun with these creatures are ones where the public is misinformed enough to feed wild bench trolls or try to keep them as pets. Even when kept away from other trolls, given their own bench away from other trolls, and fed the most premium garbage, these little creatures just aren’t meant to live long. The oldest bench troll in history lived to be 5 years, 7 days, and died after becoming enraged when a passing cat would not answer its riddle. The cat had a good, if somewhat tough and chewy, dinner that day.