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Activation of the first Tram Line

Right now, almost everyone in The Pit has heard about the expedition that led to activating one of its artifacts, the first wagon of The Tram Lines.
The mission was initiated by The Wanderer, who for unknown reason knew how to reach the location of the artifact, the Depot.  


This expedition kickstarted the growth of the previously small expedition team. As the known use of the Tram Passes has been discovered and more and more people wanted to buy them, all of the participants in this journey sold their passes, amassing small fortunes. A few years later, "No spot missed", an organization specializing in discovering new locations of The Pit has been formed.
  There were six other successful expeditions to the Depot, which resulted in the activation of another 9 wagons of Trams, which made traveling across the Pit a little faster (but still pretty dangerous).   The lake described in the journal has been named "Harold's Rest" to commemorate one of the team members that passed away there. It is still unknown how he died there and anyone who looks at the center of the lake while standing at its shore disappears. At least one research team has been lost during the studying of said lake. One of them, however, managed to send the broadcast about a giant shape moving underneath the surface of the water before disappearing herself.   More than once, attempts were made to clear the bottom of the Edge of monsters. And while all of them were only temporary successes, the two shafts leading down to it have now been equipped with working window cleaning lifts. A few new species of beasts have been discovered, furthering people's knowledge of The Pit.

Journal, Personal
Digital Recording, Text
Signatories (Characters)
Signatories (Organizations)

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23 May, 2019 22:32

Really well done! I love the art! Just a few specific comments: "More than once the attempts were made to clear the bottom of the Edge from monsters." A bit awkward, I think you may mean 'More than once, attempts were made to clear the bottom of the Edge of monsters" "but there were still some rapports that had to be copied." may mean reports? Not sure. Overall, there are places where the journal feels more like prose than a journal - especially Day 1, for example. If you have space for it, I might appreciate a little more description of the Depot. All in all, really well done!

24 May, 2019 01:36

Okay this is a good article. The like is well earned. There are a few things to note though.   The non-journal section:   In the first sentence the secon "the Pit" is kinda redundant since you already mention it before. Simply saying "of its artifacts" would fix that. Thats it concerning this section. However partially this is due to its bare nature. Fleshing it out with additional information (whatever you think might warrant a bit more lore) as well a quote or two could very much help.   The jorunal: As for the journal itself Anna already has mentioned the main things I could mention. I would note this sentence "The second thing was the awe we all felt when we saw how enormous is Depot." sounds akward. Simply changing the ending to smth like "...when we realized the Depots true extent." Just an example. It depends on what sounds best to you.   All in all a nice article. I enjoyed reading it. And with more polishing it can only get better!

7 Jun, 2019 03:24

You did a fantastic job with the scale of the image you made as well as the map!   Your journal was well written as well, I especially liked the section about the anomaly. Reminded me of my good days in Metro! Great writing Revyera and thank you for the entry!