Vignette: A Ceremonial Walk
The cool, conditioned, and filtered air of Skeyer flowed past the two bodies as they moved through the afternoon crowd going to and from their homes in the community, apartments were decorated with religious symbols and memorials dedicated to the arrival of the Prophet and the oceanic god of their Faith. This day, another in a set of days, differed with the arrival of the ceremony to commemorate the dead and to aid their souls in starting the next stage of their journey. This day marked the day of the Conarian Death Ceremony and this ceremony, like each before it, would unify the classes with the purpose of reminding the people of those that have passed on, and to celebrate them for their lives and what will become of them in death.
Terryn Sadi, her young Ekonian companion walking beside her now cheerfully answering her inquiry. “I was actually on my way to the ceremony as well”! Such radiant interest in her response reminded Lady Cairo of the first time she attended a ceremony. She was flooded with curiosity her first time, not knowing exactly what the ceremony entailed, but craving to know the experience and hoping to happen upon a glimpse of their god, gracefully dancing through the waters outside the dome, waiting to grace them with the intuition needed to reach the garden.
She couldn’t help but smile from her memory before returning her focus to the present and Sadi. She thought about the rumors regarding a potential relationship between them both and her smile faded. “If Marxos sees us near one another upon our arrival, he may make assumptions”, she solemnly spoke. “Not to worry”, Sadi calmly replied as they passed a small clothier stand where they handed out new fabrics and attire to some of the people, “When we get close I will take another path down an alleyway, so it seems like we came separately. I need to meet with the other attending Ekonians anyhow”.
The two women halted as a small group of workers carrying materials of different kinds, panels, pipes, and others needed for wall maintenance, hauled them across the intersection ahead. The group consisted of three people, two of them middle aged, one a man with a gruff, blonde beard and wrinkles haphazardly placed about his face, the other a brown haired woman with a stern, hardy face. Both held an aura of experience coming only with years of work. The third, likely a late teen given their scrawny appearance and their body language, indicated a lack of sureness, thus a possible lack of familiarity with the job.
A shame, Cairo thought, on days holding such importance as the Death Ceremony that the majority of citizens continued their maintenance and social service jobs. Unfortunately for her and the people, this possibility evaded them. The upkeep of the dome, even during the most important events and holidays, still requires constant attention to the point where most Conarians performed their duties similar to any other day. Cairo believed in a sense that the Ekonians may hold an advantage with regards to such a thing. The people from the surface, despite whatever problems they may carry themselves, could likely afford to allow breaks for days of significance.
“How about we cut through this alley?”, Sadi said, gesturing towards a near empty alleyway to their left, breaking her train of thought. “If Lord Cairo is upset with seeing us together than he will be more upset to see you late”. A moment later, the younger worker tripped, his haul of items crashing across the ground with the pipes rolling another moment prior to stopping. The crash and clanging sounds drew their attention to the scene. The older man muttered under his breath, putting his haul down gently before helping the younger one clean up the mess. “Let him wait a little longer then”, Cairo quickly said, moving to help the workers clean up. “No need Lady Cairo”, one of the workers objected, “We can take care of this, the ceremony is more important for you”. “We are all part of the same community”, she responded, picking up a panel and piling it back onto the stack of items. Sadi joined in and the four quickly got everything back in order.
“Thank you Lady Cairo, Thank you Terryn Sadi!” The young man spoke while checking the strap holding everything together. “No need for thanks”, Cairo replied, understanding the importance of the workers’ tasks going smoothly. The young man bowed the workers lifted their hauls, continuing on their path to whichever segment of the wall they worked. She felt it important to show respect to the working class of Skeyer. They held the entire city together and without them, the dome’s would swiftly collapse under the Abyss’s power. Such an act of kindness towards the workers even caused her to feel good inside.
Sadi, lightly, yet firmly, placed her hand upon Cairo’s shoulder. “I’m sure in an instance like this he would understand you being late I guess.”. “Not in the same way that you do”, Cairo responded with a hint of sadness, wishing she could announce her relationship with Sadi without the assuredly ensuing fallout. Cairo briefly glanced at Sadi’s bracelet, intricate, tightly gripped around her wrist with a cool metal frame and deep blue gems evenly spaced along it. No matter the frequency she viewed the Ekonian item, it did not change the impeccable difference in comparison to the scepters of Skeyer, and despite these differences, could still harness the Essence. Sadi explained several times to her that contrary to the Faith and what others may have said, the Essence does not cause infertility in women, but even still, Cairo could not fight the doubt of the possibility, despite how minuscule; and without an heir, she refused to experiment with such power.
“We must get moving again”, Cairo stated her focused returned to the moment, “The ceremony will be starting soon otherwise”. Sadi returned her hand to her side and they continued down the plain dirt path for a while longer, passing several more apartments adorned with symbols of the Faith, and turned down another path on their way to the entrance. Shortly, Sadi and Cairo would part ways for the ceremony, knowing full well that a meeting later that day would be bound to happen.
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This story is well-written, I like that it combines the balance between description and imagery well enough that I felt like I could imagine the world Cairo and Sadi existed in. The contrast between the workers and the protagonists felt clear enough that I could understand the different levels the society had. I also liked the moments taken to refer to a budding relationship between Cairo and Sadi, how it affects their behavior in regards to rumors and Marxos himself, it made the story more interesting and hinted at the possibilities of how Marxos might react should those rumors be confirmed. Other than that, I don't have many criticisms to the overall story, just a couple minor details I picked out. Such as, "The cool, conditioned, and filtered air of Skeyer...", this could be written as "The cool and filtered air of Skeyer...". I felt like the word "conditioned" was unnecessary to the sentence. My other comment was whether or not you planned on writing more for this story, I felt like there was an ending, but at the same time I felt like a little more could've been written. Maybe a couple more paragraphs detailing the ceremony and Marxos dialogue with Cairo could help enhance the overall story. I don't have anything else to say other than that, but I did enjoy reading this story!