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Old Man Jenkins' Hips

Aaah, I see you too are after my hips huh... well you ain't getting them! Get out of my farm!
— Old Man Jenkins

Old Man Jenkins is a grumpy grandpa with a shit personality. He is reputed for his mean comments and insults, and local legend has it no one has ever heard the man be kind. This bad trait is paired with the fact Old Man Jenkins is incapable of telling a lie, making his insults all the more hurtful as people can be assured he is always telling the truth.

His Hips Don't Lie

Afflicted with a unique condition, Old Man Jenkins seems to be unable to lie. The origin of this ailment has been traced back to his magical hips. Surprisingly, he was not born with these Hips. Rather, they were passed on to him following the death of the previous Old Man Jenkins', for unknown reasons.

Wait. Old Man Jenkins is a title?

Yep! Carried by the owner of the Hips, Old Man Jenkins is an honorific title transmitted to whoever the Hips elect as their current owner. Who the Hips choose and why, is a mystery no one holds the answer to. All they know is that whoever gets them, becomes Old Man Jenkins.

You might ask yourselves, why do I refer to Old Man Jenkin's as a single entity, when its actually a title passed on from one person to another? Well, you see...


Serums of Truth

Old Man Jenkin's hips are a coveted ingredient for amateur cultists and the like. They hunt the Old Man, carrier of hips, try to capture him and murder him so they may steal his hips.

Truth Serum Ingredients

  • Old Man Jenkins' Hips
  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • Zucchini, aubergine (organic)
  • Soup prepared with love
  • Pretty flowers (as much as wanted)
  • Blue die (to make the potion look cool)
  • Old fashioned glass vials
  • A big cauldron to make the potion
Some have attempted to use replacements: one time, someone was able to cut off Old Man's thumb, but the potion didn't work.

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Old Man Jenkins

At the conjunction between an entity, a curse and a person, Old Man Jenkins slowly morphs whoever the hips choose as their successor. They will rapidly age, until they are old enough to be called Old Man. They will grow bitter and mean, distant of whoever is close to them. It is a painful thing to see a close one be Jenkified, but it is irreversible. The Old Man Jenkins will explain as much to his loved ones: it is his destiny, and nothing can be done. And because he speaks only the truth, so will it be.


Cover image: by Dustin Tramel

Comments

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Sage Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
22 Dec, 2020 14:15

I just giggled madly to myself through the whole of this article. It's so weird and I love it.

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea! Please check out my peculiar plants entry! :)
22 Dec, 2020 15:55

Ayy thank you Emy! Its definitely a departure from what I usually write but I’m glad to hear you got a laugh out of it :)

Feel free to check out my submission to the Peculiar Plant Challenge !
22 Dec, 2020 18:05

Very funny article! But I'm also scared?? And confused???

22 Dec, 2020 20:12

Perfect, thats exactly how you’re supposed to feel :)

Feel free to check out my submission to the Peculiar Plant Challenge !
Gege16
Gege Escriva
25 Dec, 2020 19:01

Oh god..I don't know how to feel about it the recipe killed me lmao xD Good job as always! The weirdness of Shakira's marvelous universe brings a smile in my face...I've always liked her songs and this world is taking their meaning to a new level xD

25 Dec, 2020 19:13

xD I'm glad I seemed to hit the nail with the weirdness, and I'm glad you liked the recipe! Thank you for your kind words <33

Feel free to check out my submission to the Peculiar Plant Challenge !
Eternal Deity Ademal
Ademal Jacklyn
31 Jan, 2021 00:50

I have no context for this universe and I don't want it. This is perfect.

explore-ethnis.png

Admin of the WA Codex & Discord

Ethnis | Ko-Fi | Twitter

31 Jan, 2021 11:21

Thank you! This is exactly what I was aiming for!

Feel free to check out my submission to the Peculiar Plant Challenge !