Queens
The biggest. The most diverse. It's no surprise Queens residents differ from the other borough-natives, in that they identify less with their borough on the whole, and more their specific neighborhood therein. Sure, they'll rally to fuck up anybody who walks in saying Manhattan is better, that's just a given. But they're less proud about Queens in particular as they are their given cut of it. Be that the greeks and the film fags of Astoria, the run off elitist pricks of Sunnyside and Long Island City, or the hard as goddamn plasteel motherfuckers crawling out of Hell's Kitchen and Chelsea- each of the neighborhoods has at least five reasons why they're the best one, and only a few of them are worth listening to.
Obviously, Queens thrives off diversity. It's the best thing about the place, unless you're a particularly big fan of drive by shootings, tourist-targeted muggings, and general debauchery. Then hey, it's a great place for those things, too. Ranging back as far as before magic returned, Queens was known for being the first place immigrants could buy homes and really start to settle. It still shows in the massive variety between foreign cultures, only now that degree of difference is multiplied tenfold by metahumanities within each one. It's like each area got its own internal divide after that point, and while things have mostly settled down by now, the turf wars and go-gangs still go strong to defend what chunks they've carved out for themselves. Wait, I was supposed to be selling this as a positive. Well, it still is, if you discount the gang warfare and regional elitism of any given collective. Really what you need to take away from this is that you won't find any better food than the shit in Queens. A lot of the lower income neighborhoods run full-on euro-style street markets, with little cart grills and van restaurants, and its all made authentic and fresh. You want to experience an orgasm just from smell alone? Walk the low class streets of Queens on a weekend night. It's worth the mugging/assault, trust me.
You probably think I'm about to talk about all the crime here as the worst part of Queens, but you're wrong. Everywhere's got crime, it's fucking New York. No, the shittiest thing about this borough is the fuckin time it takes to get around. It's not like The Bronx- once you get there, that place is easy to traverse internally. Queens is a hell on earth, though. It's the largest borough by far, and even with all the trains set up, it still takes forever to get around on any of them. Naturally, getting back into Manhattan is easy, but virtually nothing else is. Getting into the other boroughs from here, or even one end of Queens to another, is a Escher-inspired nightmare of the highest degree. Even natives get lost half the time if they're not careful or particularly experienced in reading the railway maps, or instructing their Navs that NO, that route IS NOT the most efficient, and no drek-shoveling COMPUTER is gonna understand that or know better! Oh, and a bit of advice to non-natives? Don't plan events in Queens. Most of the other boroughs treat it like its some astral entity, impossibly to understand and more trouble than its worth to visit. If you've got friends in Brooklyn and want to meet up, be sure to do it over there. They will cancel on you six times out of five if you schedule it Queens-side.
Obviously, Queens thrives off diversity. It's the best thing about the place, unless you're a particularly big fan of drive by shootings, tourist-targeted muggings, and general debauchery. Then hey, it's a great place for those things, too. Ranging back as far as before magic returned, Queens was known for being the first place immigrants could buy homes and really start to settle. It still shows in the massive variety between foreign cultures, only now that degree of difference is multiplied tenfold by metahumanities within each one. It's like each area got its own internal divide after that point, and while things have mostly settled down by now, the turf wars and go-gangs still go strong to defend what chunks they've carved out for themselves. Wait, I was supposed to be selling this as a positive. Well, it still is, if you discount the gang warfare and regional elitism of any given collective. Really what you need to take away from this is that you won't find any better food than the shit in Queens. A lot of the lower income neighborhoods run full-on euro-style street markets, with little cart grills and van restaurants, and its all made authentic and fresh. You want to experience an orgasm just from smell alone? Walk the low class streets of Queens on a weekend night. It's worth the mugging/assault, trust me.
You probably think I'm about to talk about all the crime here as the worst part of Queens, but you're wrong. Everywhere's got crime, it's fucking New York. No, the shittiest thing about this borough is the fuckin time it takes to get around. It's not like The Bronx- once you get there, that place is easy to traverse internally. Queens is a hell on earth, though. It's the largest borough by far, and even with all the trains set up, it still takes forever to get around on any of them. Naturally, getting back into Manhattan is easy, but virtually nothing else is. Getting into the other boroughs from here, or even one end of Queens to another, is a Escher-inspired nightmare of the highest degree. Even natives get lost half the time if they're not careful or particularly experienced in reading the railway maps, or instructing their Navs that NO, that route IS NOT the most efficient, and no drek-shoveling COMPUTER is gonna understand that or know better! Oh, and a bit of advice to non-natives? Don't plan events in Queens. Most of the other boroughs treat it like its some astral entity, impossibly to understand and more trouble than its worth to visit. If you've got friends in Brooklyn and want to meet up, be sure to do it over there. They will cancel on you six times out of five if you schedule it Queens-side.
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