Icarus And Lou

I = Icarus, L = Lou, M = Mom
ALL CAPS are original lyrics

Parody of If I Didn't Have You by Don Rickles and Eric Idle

THERE IS A LOUD CRASH
I (speaking): Well, excuse you, Mr. Butterfingers, but that was my computer!
L (speaking): Stop your whining! I'll just steal you another.
I (speaking): But I need a computer right now for the Plan!
L (speaking): If you didn't have the Plan I could do a lot of things!

Song Begins

L) I'D BE ROCKING WITH THE-DI-NOS, SWINGING WITH THE RHINOS
I'd be gambling in ca-si-nos, shaking down some veenos
L) I'D DE-DRA-GON-IZE THIS CAVE IN A MINUTE
I'd just pack up all my stuff, bye to your guff
L) CORNWALL, THEY WOULD SING CAUSE I WOULD BE THE DRAGON KING
Hey, Lou, they would call cause I'd be out there walking tall
L) I WOULD LOVE-THIS WORLD WITH-OUT-YOU IN IT, IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
Change this lame-o plan, I-ca-rus and Lou, so there's no-o more you!
I) IF YOU DID-N'T HAVE ME?
So there's no-o more me?
L) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU!
So there's no-o more you!
I) WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I DIDN'T HAVE YOU, HUH?
And its winos, you imbecile!
I & L) OH, WHAT IT COULD BE IF THERE WAS ONLY ME!
Oh, what it could be if there was only me!
I & L) OH WHAT I'D DO IF I DID-N'T-HAVE YOU
Oh, how great it would be wi-ith-out you
M (speaking): Stop bickering and clean up whatever you two broke!
I (speaking): Clean? Lou broke my stuff! He can clean!
I) IF ONLY I HAD SEPERATE PARTS, MY CAREER WOULD BE THE ARTS.
I really need more computing power (compressed into one syllable powr), my design will make them cower (compressed into one syllable cowr)
I) I'D BE THE STAR OF CAM-E-LOT YOU'D BE THE HALF THAT THE WHOLE WORLD FORGOT
I'd be the end of Good-King-Bob you'd be the one that the whole world forgot
I) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
So there's no-o more you!
L) I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY!
I should be so lucky
I) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU!
So there's no-o more you!
L) OH, WAIT! YOU'D BE DEAD!
Ha, right! You'd be caught!
I & L) OH, WHAT IT COULD BE IF THERE WAS ONLY ME!
Oh, what it could be if there was only me!
I & L) OH WHAT I'D DO IF I DID-N'T-HAVE YOU
Oh, how great it would be wi-ithout you
I & L) OH WHAT I'D DO IF I DID-N'T-HAVE YOU
Oh, how great it would be wi-ithout you
I (spoken): TRAPPED! AHH! TRAPPED
Stuck! With! You!
L (spoken): STUCK HERE WITH YOU FOR 5 HUN-DRED YEARS
You're stuck? I'm stuck! Out on pa-role, yo!
I (spoken): OH, DEAR, ITS LEARNED TO COUNT
Oh, yeah. The lawyer was cheap.
L (spoken): IF YOU'D GOT ME A GOOD LAWYER I WOULD HAVE SPLIT 4 HUNDRED YEARS-AGO
If you got me a good lawyer I would have got a shorter sen-tence
I (spoken): NOW LISTEN HERE, PAL! I DID-N'T COME HERE TO BE INSULTED.
I sold my car! He wa-as all that we could afford.
L (spoken): OH? WHERE DO YOU USUALLY GO?
And got Ma a crappy car!
I) I'D BE A FIRE-BREATH-ING LIZARD
You're such a plat-y-pus diva!
L) I'D BE ONE HIGH-FLYING WIZARD
Your just a spoiled-little brother!
I) YOU'D BE NOTHING WITHOUT ME!
You'd be locked up without me!
I) YOU'D BE EX-TINCT! YOU'D CEASE TO BE!
You'd be in-jail! Toss out the key!
L) I'M SO TIRED OF YOUR NAGGING
I'm so tired of your nagging
I) I'M SO TIRED OF YOUR BRAGGING
I'm so tired of your bragging
L) WITHOUT ME YOU'D HAVE NO BRAIN
Without me you'd have no Plan
I) WITH WHICH TO THINK!
You sure 'bout that?

Sung At The Same Time

L) I'D BE ROCKING WITH THE-DI-NOS, SWINGING WITH THE RHINOS
I'd be gambling in ca-si-nos, shaking down some veenos
I) IF ONLY I HAD SEPERATE PARTS, MY CAREER WOULD BE THE ARTS.
I really need more computing power (compressed into one syllable powr), my design will make them cower (compressed into one syllable cowr)
L) CORNWALL, THEY WOULD SING CAUSE I WOULD BE THE DRAGON KING
Hey, Lou, they would call cause I'd be out there walking tall
I) I'D BE THE STAR OF CAM-E-LOT
I'd be the end of Good-King-Bob
L) I WOULD LOVE-THIS WORLD WITH-OUT-YOU IN IT, IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
Change this lame-o plan, I-ca-rus and Lou, so there's no-o more you!
I) I WOULD LOVE-THIS WORLD WITH-OUT-YOU IN IT, IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
Change my awesome plan, I-ca-rus and Lou, so there's no-o more you!

Back To Normal Singing

Backing Vocals) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
So there's no-o more you!
I & L) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
So there's no-o more you!
Backing Vocals) IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
So there's no-o more you!
Backing Vocals) YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
I) THIS WAY! LET ME LEAD!
Lou, just let me lead!
Background Vocals) YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
L) NO, THIS WAY, TWINKLETOES
Ask me nice, Icarus
I & L) LIFE COULD BE SO SWEET IF THESE WERE-BOTH-MY-FEET
We could be so great if we co-op-er-ate
I & L) WHAT I'D DO IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
Well guess Ma's right I do-o need you
L) (singing as Sonny & Cher) I GOT YOU, BABE
(singing as Sonny & Cher) I got you, bro
I & L) OH, WHAT I'D DO IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
Yes, I know Ma's right I do-o need you
I & L) (singing as Elvis) OH, IF I DID-N'T. OH, IF I DID-N'T HAVE YOU
(singing as Elvis) Oh, but I do-o. Oh but I do-o need you
I & L (spoken as Elvis): THANK YOU VERY MUCH
(spoken as Elvis) Thank you very much

Spoken at the same time

I (spoken as Elvis): THANK YOU
(Spoken as Elvis): Thank you
L (spoken as Elvis): DEVON HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
(spoken as Elvis) Lou has left the building