Doktore Pyffle Pyp's Pharmasutakal Preparatyon

As the angry mob shouted various nasty words, a peddler's cart sped for the city gates as if the undercarriage was on fire. On the side of the road lay a broken dark brown glass bottle, slightly crooked and wrinkled paper label obviously pasted on by hand. Elaborate and eye-catching lettering maximizing the advertising space as it boldly declared:

Doktore Pyffle Pyp's
Pharmasutakal
Preparatyon

Enthusiastically it boasted claims promising to treat rheumatism, canker sores, hangovers, the vapors, unfortunate luck, balding, skin diseases like calluses, cracking, nail slivers, warts, dead skin, crusty elbow, bunions, and wrinkles. May also help alleviate minor magical afflictions like fairy beetle infestations, stray shod disorientation, elementary hexes, discoloration due to potion backfire, and/or lunar physical manifestations.

Tucked around the side of the label where it was less prominent and perhaps using more elaborate script that purposely made it more difficult to read was these words of warning...

Caution: Do not consume excessively as adverse affects have been reported. Side affects may or may not include: Bad breath, irritable gut, uncontrollable laughing, aversion to being kicked by a horse, falling through the ground and back again, rude customers, sneezing, hankering to gnaw on trees, Illusionary trouser fire, aversion to light, hairballs, hecklers, pachyderm foot, boredom, questioning life choices, being run out of town by angry villagers, loss in sales, ungleeful tap dancing, coma, hiccups for days, sass mouth, disorientation when flying, stubbed toe, excessive cursing, regression to childhood humiliation where you did not loose your bladder upon seeing a flying squirrel for the first time, hyperenergy, cotton mouth, shakes, unexplained lesions, rash, hives, and/or possibly removal of desirable states of existence in the material realm.

In even smaller text, written in Deza Enokera, was a smaller yet vitally important disclaimer: Individuals apposed to or allergic to magical effects, including but not restricted to spells, enchantments or other similar conjurations, should not use this product. By using this preparation, the maker is in no way responsible for known or unknown side affects of any kind. All sales are final.