Necrotaus, Herald of Chaos
The 4th Keeper
The Great/Majestic/Whimsical/Affable/Charming (Really, anything will do as long as it's said in the right tone of voice!) ██████ ██████████ ████████████████████ (a.k.a. Necrotaus)
Well, what do we have here? Intriguing! Goodness, no one has wanted to know so much about me since Rhodes started on his little book for the dark alcoves of his Library. Why, I'm simply flattered! I can hardly think where to start- but, with an introduction is always a good place, I suppose. Let's see. Here's what you need to know: I'm Necrotaus, your Dark Lord or Savior forever, your choice, just write your name down in whichever column you fancy. You may refer to me by any of my titles including Sir, Master, Your Grace, your Highness, Your Majesty, or any of the ones including 'My' and whichever of my awe-inspiring qualities you wish to inspire me to evoke at the current time. You may also call me Nec if you wish to be seen as my rival, elite secret agent, or lover, and by doing so you are agreeing to allow me to treat you the same, as whichever option I so choose to at the time. I am a generous but at times demanding overlord, but if you please me particularly well then you shall never know strife. I ABSOLUTELY take bribes, DM me for my information for whichever direct currency transfer method you prefer. Tempting me with the souls of beautiful young men, first born children, or rare and extremely dangerous pets will get you a free box of donuts along with your favor, flavor and toppings of your choosing. With that out of the way, let's REALLY begin!
I suppose calling Fate a spaghetti monster is really selling them extremely short, but whatever. No matter what they deal with, I am absolutely one of whimsy, revelry, improbability and all around Chaos. And Butts. One simply cannot forget the butts, that would be heresy.
Holy Books & Codes
A Condensed History of the Most Fabulous Being in the Universe, by me. You can find it in every Rhodes' Great Library to ever exist, no matter how much he wants to get rid of it.
Divine Symbols & Sigils
I suppose there's that one, that's some sort of three pointed crescent or what not, but there is only one way I prefer to leave my mark on things. If you wish to find me, then watch for the secretive yet elegant, stylish, hand crafted symbol of human male virility. If you can find it, then I shall not be far behind.
Tenets of Faith
Every butt is precious and should be treated as such. More glitter is always necessary. Accepting yourself for who you are is mandatory. Pretending to be someone you're not or otherwise diminishing your own psyhcological quality of life is illegal and will get you banished to the Isle of Perpetual Tickling.
Celebrate every day, just because. But ESPECIALLY January 31st. No particular reason, I swear.
General Physical Condition
Stunning, as always.
Warm, medium brown skin that could be easily referred to as 'auburn' if that's your preferred descriptive method, with slightly darker hair that I like to keep more of its natural brown shade at the top and variegate with one or more colors down towards the ends, depending on exactly how I'm feeling. I also tend to let my hair stake its claim over the left side of my face so as to not forget my past as a poor emo and overly dramatic child. I generally wish to be well fit though not overly muscular, a more lean physique rather than sculpted, but full range and intensity of motion is the most important feature of any finely crafted body. Just enough to be able to flare up and spook your enemies once in a while, that's really all you need.
I prefer to keep myself clean shaven, but not without eyebrows. My eyebrows are absolutely to die for- just enough for expressive emoting but not enough to get in the way.
Oh yes, I bet you'd LOVE to know, wouldn't you? Well, if you're quite the curious one, perhaps if you ask in the right way I'll take my clothes off for you to find out. Or I suppose you could just look for the magenta glitter, that stuff always get EVERYWHERE and clings to everything I own. I guess that's what I get for making it my calling card for so many years.
I think I'd go with 'Super powers and all that jazz' for this one, though I suppose on most worlds 'Magical abilities' is technically closer. I WISH it was midichlorians, but those are sadly copyrighted last I checked. Ah well, maybe someday. Those things can be a bit underwhelming anyways, I guess I'll stay somewhere on the spectrum between 'Demigod' and 'Awesome cosmic power- itty bitty living space' for now.
Let's see, equipment, weapons, gadgets... Ooh, contraband! Now THAT'S a good question. What contraband DO I still have lying around? I think I still have a couple of energy weapons that are highly illegal in most space faring cultures, heck even my normal kinetic ones are such in the rest of them... If I'm remembering correctly I might still technically be the owner of a city state that has a statue in it made entirely of contraband scrap, I was really proud of that one, put field up around it to keep them from taking it down and everything. Oh! My pet lava muncher Ignus is banned as contraband or marked for death on at minimum 72 planets, and at least 13 of those are PURELY because I'm the one that has him. Those are the ones that are the MOST fun to take strolls through their volcanoes and eat their rocks. I should go back and check though, I bet more places have put that mandate into action. I should definitely go look around some time and get an updated number.
By all accounts, I was born at the ripe early age of 0, but some historians still bicker about that fact from time to time. It's thought that I had both a mother and a father, but no citations of this have been found so it's really more of a rumor than anything. The first person of any importance to bear witness to my existence was Rhodes, Keeper of the Library as he is known in some circles these days. He picked me up, showed me the ropes and how the ropes gave you wonderful powers, and in exchange I showed him how to dress himself fashionably yet comfortably and was his traveling companion for a number of years. I was his student, even, until I turned evil. Or something like that. For some reason or another possibly having to do with magic hair dye, a spork, and Ultimate Power*, we eventually parted ways and he went off to start his Library and I went off to fulfill my destiny or some such, I don't really remember, that was quite a long time ago.
Strongly male. I've met the version of me that is female, her name's Tessa, she's a lovely lady, and now that I've met her I can say that whatever form I happen to take and genitals I happen to have at the moment, I'll always identify as male. Besides, I couldn't identify as female, then I'd be encroaching on her territory and we'd have to fight for dominance. And she's such a lovely one to have tea with, I just couldn't do that to her. Just male for me, while I haven't met the other versions of me with different identities, I'm sure they're out there, and I'll respect their turf. For now.
Sorry ladies, but I'm gayer than the love child of the sun and rain. I couldn't be less straight if I was one of those zany bendy straws with a permanent kink in it, if you know what I mean. Those lovely butts, they are my one true weakness.
I spent a goodly portion of my life with mandatory attendance to the School Of Hard Knocks (Or SOHKs, which I like to call Socks), until I was summarily kidnapped and taken to more of a hands-on apprenticeship to much of the universe instead. I'd say it was fairly decent though, as these days I can understand the molecular structure and biological make up of substance by merely glancing at them, and can do complex mathematics in an immeasurably small amount of time to pull off feats that really freak people out and create boundless and amazing abstract architecture. If I wasn't such an overachiever though, I probably would have learned more than enough in about a year, really. They're pretty correct when they say that for most people in every day life you really don't need more complicated maths than Algebra.
I've been in all manners of positions, from kings to their advisors to the simple craftman, to beast masters to beast men to the beasts themselves. I've seen long days inside mines, on top of mountains, and high in the skies above them. I've made bargains and contracts with all sorts of people, to main, kill, torture, seduce, destroy, clean, curse, and yes, even arrange flowers. But alas, now I am forever destined to be chained to the big spaghetti monster in the sky, and have my shortcomings lorded over me whenever they're feeling insecure. Oh yes, by the way, they're a total dick. They don't even have meatballs or red sauce, I mean, what's even WITH that?
Accomplishments & Achievements
My, there's too many to count! I've supplied many a book to Rhodes' lovely Library, I've trained my own successor and to this day I still put her in her place by being better in every way and beating her at scrabble, and I even destroyed the universe once and got away with it!
Failures & Embarrassments
... Well, almost. I almost got away with it.
Like I said... I almost got away with it.
Morality & Philosophy
Ooh, that's a good one. I think about my answer to this one a lot, but you know I haven't found a good answer for it this century. I've already used so many, and I mean I'm just so inexplicable, how could I ever parse it into a finite number of words? Have you ever heard We Ran Out Of CD Space by Psychostick? It's a good song, I recommend it.
Also male! Well, in my base form. Usually.
Brown, varigated with other colors
Oh, dear. Silver, don't hurt yourself, you KNOW you're not good with those names of the famous-type people. Just ignore this one for now. Author's note: Uhhhhh Brendon Urie would be his singing voice! Yeah, and most of the songs that he sings I could see Nec here singing as well. So it fits well. There you go, you got it out, do you feel better? Yes, now go off and take something for that headache. No, I'll put it in for you, don't worry about a thing. Off you go! Now, with that out of the way...
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