Uncle Bill's Nutrition Bricks

Tired of spending your time cooking when nobody enjoys the food anyway?
Frustrated by food waste and expired ingredients and looking for a longer term solution?
No more!   Introducing Uncle Bill's Nutrition Bricks! Specially formulated to provide the perfect dietary balance of nutrients, our iron-fortified bars are proven to retain their freshness and edibility for well over a decade! A full night of nutrients, in the palm of your hand!
— Uncle Bill's flier
  Uncle Bill's Nutrition Bricks are the creation of a pair of Vampire brothers seeking an easier solution to meeting their own dietary needs. Existing pre-packaged foods remained targeted to the general population and therefore failed to provide the needed iron content, often while also providing Vitamin D levels approaching the toxicity levels for vampires.   Since those infected with vampirism also lost most of the sensations from their taste buds the brothers settled on a solution to focus solely on the nutritional content and, later, texture of the bars, forgoing any attempts at a palatable taste. For the sake of convenience they also determined to make their bricks retain freshness for at least fifteen years, a feat made easier through the use of dehydration to remove water content, and Anemancy to seal the bricks away from potentially damaging air, bacteria, fungi, and moisture.

Significance

Uncle Bill's were the first nutritional products targeted directly towards vampires. The bricks have become a staple amongst those infected with vampirism due to its careful and efficient balance of nutrients to meet their dietary needs. Their taste can be described in such colorful language as "dehydrated bark," "metallic dirt," and "bear droppings," but these provide no major drawback among their target audience due to the vampires' inability to taste. The bricks do come in multiple texture options in an effort to provide some sense of variety.   Uncle Bill's covert marketing campaign also appealed to those accustomed to spending long stretches alone or traveling, for use as emergency rations. Due to the lackluster taste they were considered a last resort before starvation, although some creative individuals developed recipes for soups and stews with the bricks as their main nutritional component.   This popularity outside the target demographic led to the development of CEN Kits by a small team of entrepreneurs seeking to resolve the issue of taste from Uncle Bill's Nutrition Bricks. Most non-vampires have since switched to the use of CENs, although some still keep a few Uncle Bill's bricks due to their much longer shelf life.
Item type
Consumable, Food / Drink
Related Technologies
Related Condition
Rarity
Common and easy to obtain, if you know where to look, although it is rare to find someone who owns any outside of Vampiric circles. The taste tends to drive people away.


Cover image: Nature Forest Trees by jplenio

Comments

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Sage Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
22 Jan, 2021 23:54

I really like that some non-vampires use these as emergency rations. I can just imagine the taste from how you describe, but I can see how that wouldn't matter in an emergency. The long shelf life is a plus. :D Might be good for people with anaemia too, due to their high iron content.

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea!
23 Jan, 2021 00:03

Absolutely!   You would still need some source of Vitamin D, but if you are spending most of your time outside that's not a huge issue.

Author of Fillimet, bright fantasy land of possibilities
23 Jan, 2021 14:05

I have to show this to a certain person I know and see if she prefers bear dropping tasting bricks to my cooking :p

23 Jan, 2021 18:19

Hahaha. May the answer be ever in your favor. <3

Author of Fillimet, bright fantasy land of possibilities
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