In the Light of the Moon
Originally Published Feb 14, 2013
Alone again on Valentine's Day. Sirel wasn't bitter, it was better this way… Safer. No one would get hurt. No hearts would be broken. She had convinced herself, but that didn't stop the longing, the hunger.
She tried this before, but in the past she had always found some excuse to go out to a club or bar. The results were always the same – pain, suffering, and sacrifice. This year would be different. Another year older, another year stronger, and this year she had a plan.
Sitting in her little Regen, she tapped the steering wheel in a random, almost melodic pattern. She watched a few ragged remnants of decayed autumn leaves dance across the road in front of her. They spun and twirled in the wind. She longed to hear the deep bass of the music, her eyes mesmerized with the flashing of the lights, and her senses intoxicated by the longing and passion of the club.
Sirel shook her head, slipped the key into the ignition a little harder than she had intended, and started the car. She knew if she wasn't at the campsite before sunset, she would lose her nerve and go out.
She hated herself for taking the cowards way out. How could she take a chance again? She knew what would happen if she let herself be around people. Someone would be attracted to her, not a bad thing for most, but as soon as they felt something real, she would have to cut it off. She wasn't afraid to be vulnerable, but the price of love was just too high.
As she turned from the city streets to the highway, she reached over to turn on the radio. With a forceful sigh, she pulled her hand back. No radio. No music. She couldn't risk hearing about some event that would make her change her mind. Besides, she needed some time to focus.
The trees along the side of the road were still gray from the long winter. The grass in the median was a sickly green, not enough warmth or sunlight to take on its spring color yet. Most of the cars on the road were going the other way, into Baltimore, into the restaurants, the clubs, or down to the inner Harbor.
Normal people are allowed such extraordinary pleasures.
Her friend, Robin, had invited her out with him. He was a good friend, and would do everything in his power to keep her safe, and to keep her from doing something she would regret in the morning, but he deserved a better Valentine's Day than babysitting her.
Her father had invited her home to Elphame, but they didn't get along all that well, and she was afraid they'd get into an argument, and before she realized it, be at a club, just to get away from him.
No, this was the right thing to do. She would getaway to the wilderness. Sirel knew where the border to the wild's was, and the people were actively discouraged from going anywhere near. She would be alone. That's all that she wanted, to be alone.
Sirel turned off the highway onto the narrow access road that led North, toward the barrier.
She cracked her window. The musty scent of decaying leaves mixed with the cool February air. The energy of the barrier crackled as she approached, tingling her skin.
Pulling off onto the shoulder, designed to allow oncoming traffic to pass, she parked. She stepped out of the car and stretched in the last rays of sunlight. The cool air reminded her of home. She wondered for a moment if she should've brought a jacket with her. If she ran into someone out here, they would be sure to wonder why she was just wearing a black tank top and matching jeans. Then she thought, if she ran into someone out here their last concern would be what she was wearing. She pulled her backpack and camping supplies out of the trunk, and listened. A few birds twittered to themselves here and there. She could hear squirrels in the trees. The barrier hummed further off to the north. So she left the road and began walking toward the barrier and the wild. The dusky blue light of sunset filtered through the leafless trees. Dead leaves crunched and crackled under her feet, along with the occasional twig. If the trees were but a little more silver and the air a bit more prickly against her skin, she would've felt like she was home. It felt so good being away from everyone: away from their expectations, their feelings, their longings, their desires. She could feel the moon on the horizon. The damnable moon would soon take over the sky, ruling the night with those great horns. The predators were starting to come out. They could pierce the darkness better than their prey. Sirel could feel their hunger. It was not unlike her loneliness. A gnawing ache that could only be filled with pain, sacrifice, and life. It had been so long since she had allowed anyone to get close to her, since she had tasted their vulnerability, since she had taken their heart. The thought of it brought a warm chill to her skin. She longed to touch another's warm flesh, to feel their heart race, and hold them in that moment when they realized they could never live without her. Fighting the hunger back, she returned her attention to the woods.
The sun slipped away in the West, leaving nothing but the night. She wanted to feel at ease in the darkness, but she could feel the moonlight pouring through her from between the branches of the trees. She knew he was watching her. His curiosity tainted the night, lending an enticing sweetness to the air that only one blessed like her could smell. He watched all her kind, but tonight she felt his presence stronger than she had ever felt it before. Walking into a clearing, she stopped and looked around. Something wasn't right. One, two, one, two, one, two, three, four. Those damnable hooves, he was close. She searched the clearing from the tree line across the creek to the withered grass and debris around her feet. She could hear him. He was close. He was to her left. She saw the antlers first, gleaming silver in the moonlight. Luminous turquoise runes spiraled down each branch to the white coat of fur atop his head. His soft metallic blue eyes fixed on her in the same shape as the crescent moon above him. His grayish white fur scintillated in the cold night air, shedding glittering specks of light that faded to nothing as they moved away from him. "Oh, my dear child, what are you doing so close to the wilds on Valentine's Day?" his voice pervaded the area, not exactly as a sound, but not entirely in her mind either. "The usual, Mani," Sirel winked at the moon spirit, "I am trying to get away from everyone. I'm afraid, that includes you." The great White stag snorted. "If you wanted to avoid me, you should've gone indoors, perhaps even underground. I am the spirit of the moon, I see everything the moon shines upon. And people like you shouldn't be alone on a day like this. Or have you forgotten what you are?" She stared at him for a moment, wishing that her father had taught her an incantation to banish him back to the sky. "Of course I haven't. I am an Amores, oh, you know, that cursed clan of Fae who feed off of the desire and longing of others until they're nothing but a lifeless husk. Yeah, I can't imagine a single reason I should be alone in the woods tonight." "Oh my dear child, I think you have confused an Amor with a succubus." The stag shook his head and stamped its hoof in the dirt. Sirel smirked at the moon spirit. "You think I don't know the difference between desire, longing, and lust?" The White stag raised its head in to the sky, its breath poured from its nostrils in short bursts of steam. He shook his head and looked back at her. "I am merely the moon. I reflect the light of my sister by night. I am just a mirror. I say you are confused because I can see the confusion in you. I reflect what I see. That is my nature. It is what I am, and all that I am. Were I to be something new, I would first have to be shattered and torn down." She stood silent in the moonlight. She knew he was up to something. His eyes wouldn't have focused on her if he hadn't seen something of interest. She thought about asking, but suspected he would just mirror her suspicions back at her. "I think what you're looking for is down at the campsite, my dear." The stag nodded his head toward a small campfire further down the creek. Grimacing, Sirel turned her back to the campsite. She couldn't understand how someone set up camp this close to the barrier. The pulsing hum of its energy in the air pushed against her like waves on the shore of the sea. Most people would turn around and avoid it. It was unpleasant to all of her senses, but somehow someone was there. "Not just anyone, child. It is someone that you know. Someone drawn to you like an insect to the light, like Icarus to the sun. Don't be rude, go and say hello." She shook her head in the slow oscillation of disbelief. "No one knows where I've gone. It's not possible that they're waiting for me." "Dearest, do you remember that beautiful boy, what was his name, Toby." Sirel's blood turned cold. The last time she tried to get away, she ended up in a small bar in a small town on the Monocacy River. That's where she met Toby Guest. He was so sweet, so kind. She winced when she remembered washing his blood off her hands. She didn't know he had survived. "You see, my darling, you can never be alone. He is waiting for you, though he doesn't know it. For all that he knows, he came out here to collect plants for his shop. He is really waiting for you. So be what you are and go to him." "Just be what I am," she folded her arms across her chest, "I am a plague carrier. I infect people with longing and desire, draining their life from them so there's nothing left." She hated saying the words. They were honest, but the mere act of vocalizing her feelings about herself tore at her heart. No one should feel like she did. Alone, dangerous, unlovable. Hate twisted into anger, and she scowled at Mani. She could feel the same loneliness in him, the same longing. She wondered if that's why he watched her kind so closely. Could he possibly feel some kinship with the Amores? What did it matter? He was here to tempt her. He was no better than a devil. She said, "I will go to him, if you first visit your sister, Sol." She watched the sorrow etch itself across his face with glee. She knew she wounded him like he wounded her. She pointed out the one thing he could never have. His longing filled the air, so bitter sweet and savory. She breathed it in deep down into herself. Her hunger increased. In the air around them, she could see the gilded strands of love, and iron threads of longing. Silver cords of desire undulated amongst the others. They curled and twisted through the air like water in an eddy. Twirling around in a slow dance between the currents and eddies of love, longing and desire, Sirel could feel his heart beating. Her heart matched it in time, beat for beat. Through the aether, she reached out and pulled his desire into her. She fell to her knees. Pain tugged at her heart. She released the longing and felt her own pain lessen. The stag chortled. "I told you, I am just a mirror." Moonlight shone from between the stag's antlers. Sirel rose to her feet, her skin turning metallic gray, her hair ash white. She could feel her wings solidify in the moonlight. She looked at the sharp metallic nails that tipped her fingers. "Can you see now? I can never be alone. I am loneliness. People get near me, they long for everything they don't have, and everything they might have." Opening and closing her hands, she watched the world reflected in the mirror like blades on her fingers. She thought about striking at Mani, but couldn't see the point. He was the spirit of the moon, a greater force of nature than she. She was no match for him.
Again, she caught a whiff of Toby's longing on the air. She wanted to go, but she knew this time she would finish him off. She didn't want to have his blood on her hands. She stared at the silver stag and knew in her heart that if she were anyone else, she would find the sight of him inspirational, moving, powerful. Why was he here? Why would the moon spirit entwine itself in her life? No answer came readily to mind. She thought if she asked him, he would just answer with another riddle, or just repeat his mantra, "I am just a mirror." That would mean she wanted him there, and she was pretty sure that no part of her asked for the moon spirit to interfere in her life. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. "You just don't get it do you? I am death." She felt her skin and wings darken with her anger. "I'm afraid my child, it is you who do not understand. You are not death. You are the very desire to live." Sirel's face twisted with hate. No one, no thing that knew her could ever say something like that. She left sorrow, misery, and death in her wake. Nothing more. The silvery light of the moon gleamed off her wings. She didn't know what to do. The moon spirit was obviously immune to all her powers, and her sense of Toby's longing built. She wanted to take his heart more than she ever wanted anything. She could barely distinguish between want and need. She leapt into the air, and with the thunderous flap of her wings headed for the barrier. In her true form, her eyes were more sensitive to the energies around her. She could see it up ahead. Shimmering in the distance like a violet and navy blue oil slick in the air, waves of purple and crimson repulsion surged from it in great torrents of emotion designed to keep everything away. If Sirel didn't want to get away from Toby so bad, she never would have been able to get this close. She needed to get through the barrier, into the wilds. Maybe she could call out a Skraeling, or some other creature of the wilds. She hoped to find something, anything, to distract her from her heart's desire. It was better to fight for her life, then to risk taking another's. She reached the barrier. It's energy screamed in every fiber of her being to get away. She hovered before it, trembling with fear. The waves of repulsion it sent out were nothing compared to the immense dread and terror the barrier itself flooded into her. Her wings flapped, but she didn't move forward. She couldn't tell which was stronger within her, the fear from the barrier or her longing for Toby. They wrestled not against each other, but against her. Two against one. The fear of the barrier and her longing against her fear of what she would do if she turned around. Willing herself forward, she did not move. She could not move. She hung there in the sky pulled between two desires. Like wild horses, they tugged at her, and she wished they were wild horses so they might tear her apart. Her life was unimportant at that moment. Her death would save Toby, and who knew how many others. Was that the real reason she wanted to come out to the barrier? Did she really want to sacrifice herself to the beasts of the wilds? Ice shattered in her chest. This was not a mere camping trip. She had gone into the wilds in hopes they would take her life. That's why the moon spirit came. He didn't have the words because she didn't have them, but he could see the desperation in her. That is why he prodded her, and tried to get her to accept her nature. Sirel did not want to die. She did not want to be alone. She felt Toby's aching loneliness on the air. She had loved him, and mourned when she thought she had killed him. Maybe he loved her to. Maybe she could find a way to be with him and keep him safe.
She turned around and flew towards Toby's campfire. Circling high above his campsite, she watched him closely. He threw a handful some herb into a cauldron suspended over the fire, and began chanting in an ancient Fae language. She couldn't make out the words. They were familiar like something she had heard the Morrigan say during the invocation at the fairy circle. Threads of gold, silver, and iron energy rose in the smoke and steam from the cauldron. They mixed into the pool of emotion and energy so thick in the air. She could taste his desire like a bittersweet chocolate. Enlivening her senses, she watched him closely and tried to work out what he was doing. She could see little of the material world now. With the exception of his cherubic face, everything was energy and magic. His longing was so clear and so specific. He wanted to end his loneliness. Sirel allowed her spirit to sing on the breeze. Her sweet siren song, while inaudible to his ears, entered his heart. He was thinking about her. Before she even made him, he was thinking about her. He wondered what happened to her, and where she was. She had his heart already, all she had to do was take it. Swooping down, she landed on the opposite side of the fire from Toby. Embers filled the air like molten fireflies from the wind generated by her wings. Toby smiled. "I never thought I would see you again." "That's because I thought you were dead," she said in the most ominous tone she could muster. She hoped she would be able to scare him off. He unbuttoned the top of his black denim jacket, and pulled out a silver amulet from under his red shirt. Shrouded in energy, the amulets power pulsated like a heartbeat. It had a detailed sigil on it that she didn't recognize, and was inscribed in what looked to her to be Nabataean script. “A Palmyrene friend gave this to me." Toby said. "It is a charm against thread magic, like that of the Jinn and the Fae. Don't get me wrong, you messed me up pretty good, but you didn't finish me off. It was my fault, really." "Your fault?" "I didn't realize what you were. When you're magic was blocked, you went off in a rage. I accidentally attacked you, and you defended yourself." Sirel couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had tried to kill him, and he was blaming himself for her failure. Toby knelt before her. She could feel the altar of sacrifice trying to form in the air. Brushing the energies away with frenetic moves of her hands, she studied him. Taking off the amulet, Toby tossed it to the ground. With a step back, Sirel shook her head. "You need to run." Toby didn't move. "Don't you understand?" Sirel asked both him and herself. "You cannot stay here. If you do, I will feed off your longing. You will sacrifice your heart to me, and you will die." "I know you are Baobhan sith, an Amores, Fae cursed by Himeros." Toby smiled. "I looked it up. And you might think you are a monster, but I don't. We spent a week together before you tried to feed on me. You could've tried on the first night, but you didn't." Sirel thought about it for a moment. She hadn't realized it had been that long. It all went by so fast. She hadn't even considered feeding on him, until they kissed. "So you think you love me?" "We have a lot in common. We love pink lemonade, Thai food, and dancing. We both have controlling fathers. We've both done terrible things we wish we could take back. I got to know you pretty well that night as we laid out on the grass atop the hill watching the stars and talking. We spent all that time talking and sharing. So yes." "You're wrong," Sirel shook her head. "What I am drew you to me. My powers filled you with longing. You tried to give me your heart, and failed. That is not the same as love." Her heart ached saying the words. His presence caused a twisting pain throughout her soul. She needed to get him to run. He had to leave and never see her again. That was the only way he could have a long happy life. As she looked at him, the golden threads of his love encircled his heart, reaching out to her. Gold, silver, and iron cords swirled from her own heart. She wanted to grab him, take him in her arms, and take his heart into her. She couldn't. He was special. She couldn't allow herself to hurt him. Toby opened himself to Sirel. The aetheric form of his heart burned in his chest. She could see the energy coursing through his body in river-like channels. She didn't understand why he wanted to die. He had to know this was suicide. If he knew the story of the Baobhan Sith, then he had to know he was sacrificing his life for her. The sweet savor of his longing flooded her senses. She could feel everything that he felt. He was not afraid. He did not want to die. He had cherished his memories of her with the same fervor she had mourned the memories of him. "I don't want to kill you," she said, as his presence drew her closer. "Then don't." He reached his arms out to her. "If you feel the same way I do, you won't." Looking up at the horned moon, Sirel said, "Why Himeros? My ancestors may have wronged you, but that does not mean I deserve to be punished. Do you even care anymore? Was it a capricious divine whim, or callous unquenchable vengeance that fueled your curse?" She couldn't keep her eyes off him. The moon in all its splendor was nothing compared to the face of the man she loved. That's why she mourned his loss, that's why she regretted finding him, and why she would always regret what she knew would happen next. She took his hand in her own. Energy surged from them. As it met and mingled, the outline of the altar of sacrifice formed between them: what looked like a ghostly white stone atop an intricately wrought ornate gold pedestal shimmered in the air. If she kissed him, held him close to her, she would take his heart and his life. The tingling anticipation rippled over their bodies. Their breaths quickened. Their hearts beat in unison. They could no longer feel where one started and the other began. Seamless joy enraptured them. Light into light, shadow into shadow, their sense of oneness blinded them to the world around. The golden threads waving from their hearts reached out one for the other. As each chord met it's equal and opposite, they sighed with delight. "Oh, Anteros," Toby gasped, "May she take my heart, and find me worthy." Toby clasped his hands over his chest. As he pulled away, his aetheric heart followed his hands, leaving his body. He placed his heart on the altar, his face covered in sensual malaise. Before Sirel could stop him, his heart touch the altar. His body seized up as his life flowed into her. Sirel gasped as his energy overwhelmed her. Frozen in the moment, she watched his lifeless body falling to the ground. She wanted him to be with her more than she ever wanted anything. Longing is infinite. The exquisite pain, sacrifice, and life consumed at this altar would never satisfy that longing. It was a flame that merely fed the fire. As she looked into his trusting eyes, falling lifelessly before her, she realized her longing was desire for wholeness. It was not a sign of lack. She longed for him, yearned for him, loved him because he complemented and completed her. Without a thought, she pulled her own heart energy from her chest and placed it on the altar. "I love you too." She said as she fell to her knees. Bliss enveloped them.
Pulling off onto the shoulder, designed to allow oncoming traffic to pass, she parked. She stepped out of the car and stretched in the last rays of sunlight. The cool air reminded her of home. She wondered for a moment if she should've brought a jacket with her. If she ran into someone out here, they would be sure to wonder why she was just wearing a black tank top and matching jeans. Then she thought, if she ran into someone out here their last concern would be what she was wearing. She pulled her backpack and camping supplies out of the trunk, and listened. A few birds twittered to themselves here and there. She could hear squirrels in the trees. The barrier hummed further off to the north. So she left the road and began walking toward the barrier and the wild. The dusky blue light of sunset filtered through the leafless trees. Dead leaves crunched and crackled under her feet, along with the occasional twig. If the trees were but a little more silver and the air a bit more prickly against her skin, she would've felt like she was home. It felt so good being away from everyone: away from their expectations, their feelings, their longings, their desires. She could feel the moon on the horizon. The damnable moon would soon take over the sky, ruling the night with those great horns. The predators were starting to come out. They could pierce the darkness better than their prey. Sirel could feel their hunger. It was not unlike her loneliness. A gnawing ache that could only be filled with pain, sacrifice, and life. It had been so long since she had allowed anyone to get close to her, since she had tasted their vulnerability, since she had taken their heart. The thought of it brought a warm chill to her skin. She longed to touch another's warm flesh, to feel their heart race, and hold them in that moment when they realized they could never live without her. Fighting the hunger back, she returned her attention to the woods.
The sun slipped away in the West, leaving nothing but the night. She wanted to feel at ease in the darkness, but she could feel the moonlight pouring through her from between the branches of the trees. She knew he was watching her. His curiosity tainted the night, lending an enticing sweetness to the air that only one blessed like her could smell. He watched all her kind, but tonight she felt his presence stronger than she had ever felt it before. Walking into a clearing, she stopped and looked around. Something wasn't right. One, two, one, two, one, two, three, four. Those damnable hooves, he was close. She searched the clearing from the tree line across the creek to the withered grass and debris around her feet. She could hear him. He was close. He was to her left. She saw the antlers first, gleaming silver in the moonlight. Luminous turquoise runes spiraled down each branch to the white coat of fur atop his head. His soft metallic blue eyes fixed on her in the same shape as the crescent moon above him. His grayish white fur scintillated in the cold night air, shedding glittering specks of light that faded to nothing as they moved away from him. "Oh, my dear child, what are you doing so close to the wilds on Valentine's Day?" his voice pervaded the area, not exactly as a sound, but not entirely in her mind either. "The usual, Mani," Sirel winked at the moon spirit, "I am trying to get away from everyone. I'm afraid, that includes you." The great White stag snorted. "If you wanted to avoid me, you should've gone indoors, perhaps even underground. I am the spirit of the moon, I see everything the moon shines upon. And people like you shouldn't be alone on a day like this. Or have you forgotten what you are?" She stared at him for a moment, wishing that her father had taught her an incantation to banish him back to the sky. "Of course I haven't. I am an Amores, oh, you know, that cursed clan of Fae who feed off of the desire and longing of others until they're nothing but a lifeless husk. Yeah, I can't imagine a single reason I should be alone in the woods tonight." "Oh my dear child, I think you have confused an Amor with a succubus." The stag shook his head and stamped its hoof in the dirt. Sirel smirked at the moon spirit. "You think I don't know the difference between desire, longing, and lust?" The White stag raised its head in to the sky, its breath poured from its nostrils in short bursts of steam. He shook his head and looked back at her. "I am merely the moon. I reflect the light of my sister by night. I am just a mirror. I say you are confused because I can see the confusion in you. I reflect what I see. That is my nature. It is what I am, and all that I am. Were I to be something new, I would first have to be shattered and torn down." She stood silent in the moonlight. She knew he was up to something. His eyes wouldn't have focused on her if he hadn't seen something of interest. She thought about asking, but suspected he would just mirror her suspicions back at her. "I think what you're looking for is down at the campsite, my dear." The stag nodded his head toward a small campfire further down the creek. Grimacing, Sirel turned her back to the campsite. She couldn't understand how someone set up camp this close to the barrier. The pulsing hum of its energy in the air pushed against her like waves on the shore of the sea. Most people would turn around and avoid it. It was unpleasant to all of her senses, but somehow someone was there. "Not just anyone, child. It is someone that you know. Someone drawn to you like an insect to the light, like Icarus to the sun. Don't be rude, go and say hello." She shook her head in the slow oscillation of disbelief. "No one knows where I've gone. It's not possible that they're waiting for me." "Dearest, do you remember that beautiful boy, what was his name, Toby." Sirel's blood turned cold. The last time she tried to get away, she ended up in a small bar in a small town on the Monocacy River. That's where she met Toby Guest. He was so sweet, so kind. She winced when she remembered washing his blood off her hands. She didn't know he had survived. "You see, my darling, you can never be alone. He is waiting for you, though he doesn't know it. For all that he knows, he came out here to collect plants for his shop. He is really waiting for you. So be what you are and go to him." "Just be what I am," she folded her arms across her chest, "I am a plague carrier. I infect people with longing and desire, draining their life from them so there's nothing left." She hated saying the words. They were honest, but the mere act of vocalizing her feelings about herself tore at her heart. No one should feel like she did. Alone, dangerous, unlovable. Hate twisted into anger, and she scowled at Mani. She could feel the same loneliness in him, the same longing. She wondered if that's why he watched her kind so closely. Could he possibly feel some kinship with the Amores? What did it matter? He was here to tempt her. He was no better than a devil. She said, "I will go to him, if you first visit your sister, Sol." She watched the sorrow etch itself across his face with glee. She knew she wounded him like he wounded her. She pointed out the one thing he could never have. His longing filled the air, so bitter sweet and savory. She breathed it in deep down into herself. Her hunger increased. In the air around them, she could see the gilded strands of love, and iron threads of longing. Silver cords of desire undulated amongst the others. They curled and twisted through the air like water in an eddy. Twirling around in a slow dance between the currents and eddies of love, longing and desire, Sirel could feel his heart beating. Her heart matched it in time, beat for beat. Through the aether, she reached out and pulled his desire into her. She fell to her knees. Pain tugged at her heart. She released the longing and felt her own pain lessen. The stag chortled. "I told you, I am just a mirror." Moonlight shone from between the stag's antlers. Sirel rose to her feet, her skin turning metallic gray, her hair ash white. She could feel her wings solidify in the moonlight. She looked at the sharp metallic nails that tipped her fingers. "Can you see now? I can never be alone. I am loneliness. People get near me, they long for everything they don't have, and everything they might have." Opening and closing her hands, she watched the world reflected in the mirror like blades on her fingers. She thought about striking at Mani, but couldn't see the point. He was the spirit of the moon, a greater force of nature than she. She was no match for him.
Again, she caught a whiff of Toby's longing on the air. She wanted to go, but she knew this time she would finish him off. She didn't want to have his blood on her hands. She stared at the silver stag and knew in her heart that if she were anyone else, she would find the sight of him inspirational, moving, powerful. Why was he here? Why would the moon spirit entwine itself in her life? No answer came readily to mind. She thought if she asked him, he would just answer with another riddle, or just repeat his mantra, "I am just a mirror." That would mean she wanted him there, and she was pretty sure that no part of her asked for the moon spirit to interfere in her life. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. "You just don't get it do you? I am death." She felt her skin and wings darken with her anger. "I'm afraid my child, it is you who do not understand. You are not death. You are the very desire to live." Sirel's face twisted with hate. No one, no thing that knew her could ever say something like that. She left sorrow, misery, and death in her wake. Nothing more. The silvery light of the moon gleamed off her wings. She didn't know what to do. The moon spirit was obviously immune to all her powers, and her sense of Toby's longing built. She wanted to take his heart more than she ever wanted anything. She could barely distinguish between want and need. She leapt into the air, and with the thunderous flap of her wings headed for the barrier. In her true form, her eyes were more sensitive to the energies around her. She could see it up ahead. Shimmering in the distance like a violet and navy blue oil slick in the air, waves of purple and crimson repulsion surged from it in great torrents of emotion designed to keep everything away. If Sirel didn't want to get away from Toby so bad, she never would have been able to get this close. She needed to get through the barrier, into the wilds. Maybe she could call out a Skraeling, or some other creature of the wilds. She hoped to find something, anything, to distract her from her heart's desire. It was better to fight for her life, then to risk taking another's. She reached the barrier. It's energy screamed in every fiber of her being to get away. She hovered before it, trembling with fear. The waves of repulsion it sent out were nothing compared to the immense dread and terror the barrier itself flooded into her. Her wings flapped, but she didn't move forward. She couldn't tell which was stronger within her, the fear from the barrier or her longing for Toby. They wrestled not against each other, but against her. Two against one. The fear of the barrier and her longing against her fear of what she would do if she turned around. Willing herself forward, she did not move. She could not move. She hung there in the sky pulled between two desires. Like wild horses, they tugged at her, and she wished they were wild horses so they might tear her apart. Her life was unimportant at that moment. Her death would save Toby, and who knew how many others. Was that the real reason she wanted to come out to the barrier? Did she really want to sacrifice herself to the beasts of the wilds? Ice shattered in her chest. This was not a mere camping trip. She had gone into the wilds in hopes they would take her life. That's why the moon spirit came. He didn't have the words because she didn't have them, but he could see the desperation in her. That is why he prodded her, and tried to get her to accept her nature. Sirel did not want to die. She did not want to be alone. She felt Toby's aching loneliness on the air. She had loved him, and mourned when she thought she had killed him. Maybe he loved her to. Maybe she could find a way to be with him and keep him safe.
She turned around and flew towards Toby's campfire. Circling high above his campsite, she watched him closely. He threw a handful some herb into a cauldron suspended over the fire, and began chanting in an ancient Fae language. She couldn't make out the words. They were familiar like something she had heard the Morrigan say during the invocation at the fairy circle. Threads of gold, silver, and iron energy rose in the smoke and steam from the cauldron. They mixed into the pool of emotion and energy so thick in the air. She could taste his desire like a bittersweet chocolate. Enlivening her senses, she watched him closely and tried to work out what he was doing. She could see little of the material world now. With the exception of his cherubic face, everything was energy and magic. His longing was so clear and so specific. He wanted to end his loneliness. Sirel allowed her spirit to sing on the breeze. Her sweet siren song, while inaudible to his ears, entered his heart. He was thinking about her. Before she even made him, he was thinking about her. He wondered what happened to her, and where she was. She had his heart already, all she had to do was take it. Swooping down, she landed on the opposite side of the fire from Toby. Embers filled the air like molten fireflies from the wind generated by her wings. Toby smiled. "I never thought I would see you again." "That's because I thought you were dead," she said in the most ominous tone she could muster. She hoped she would be able to scare him off. He unbuttoned the top of his black denim jacket, and pulled out a silver amulet from under his red shirt. Shrouded in energy, the amulets power pulsated like a heartbeat. It had a detailed sigil on it that she didn't recognize, and was inscribed in what looked to her to be Nabataean script. “A Palmyrene friend gave this to me." Toby said. "It is a charm against thread magic, like that of the Jinn and the Fae. Don't get me wrong, you messed me up pretty good, but you didn't finish me off. It was my fault, really." "Your fault?" "I didn't realize what you were. When you're magic was blocked, you went off in a rage. I accidentally attacked you, and you defended yourself." Sirel couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had tried to kill him, and he was blaming himself for her failure. Toby knelt before her. She could feel the altar of sacrifice trying to form in the air. Brushing the energies away with frenetic moves of her hands, she studied him. Taking off the amulet, Toby tossed it to the ground. With a step back, Sirel shook her head. "You need to run." Toby didn't move. "Don't you understand?" Sirel asked both him and herself. "You cannot stay here. If you do, I will feed off your longing. You will sacrifice your heart to me, and you will die." "I know you are Baobhan sith, an Amores, Fae cursed by Himeros." Toby smiled. "I looked it up. And you might think you are a monster, but I don't. We spent a week together before you tried to feed on me. You could've tried on the first night, but you didn't." Sirel thought about it for a moment. She hadn't realized it had been that long. It all went by so fast. She hadn't even considered feeding on him, until they kissed. "So you think you love me?" "We have a lot in common. We love pink lemonade, Thai food, and dancing. We both have controlling fathers. We've both done terrible things we wish we could take back. I got to know you pretty well that night as we laid out on the grass atop the hill watching the stars and talking. We spent all that time talking and sharing. So yes." "You're wrong," Sirel shook her head. "What I am drew you to me. My powers filled you with longing. You tried to give me your heart, and failed. That is not the same as love." Her heart ached saying the words. His presence caused a twisting pain throughout her soul. She needed to get him to run. He had to leave and never see her again. That was the only way he could have a long happy life. As she looked at him, the golden threads of his love encircled his heart, reaching out to her. Gold, silver, and iron cords swirled from her own heart. She wanted to grab him, take him in her arms, and take his heart into her. She couldn't. He was special. She couldn't allow herself to hurt him. Toby opened himself to Sirel. The aetheric form of his heart burned in his chest. She could see the energy coursing through his body in river-like channels. She didn't understand why he wanted to die. He had to know this was suicide. If he knew the story of the Baobhan Sith, then he had to know he was sacrificing his life for her. The sweet savor of his longing flooded her senses. She could feel everything that he felt. He was not afraid. He did not want to die. He had cherished his memories of her with the same fervor she had mourned the memories of him. "I don't want to kill you," she said, as his presence drew her closer. "Then don't." He reached his arms out to her. "If you feel the same way I do, you won't." Looking up at the horned moon, Sirel said, "Why Himeros? My ancestors may have wronged you, but that does not mean I deserve to be punished. Do you even care anymore? Was it a capricious divine whim, or callous unquenchable vengeance that fueled your curse?" She couldn't keep her eyes off him. The moon in all its splendor was nothing compared to the face of the man she loved. That's why she mourned his loss, that's why she regretted finding him, and why she would always regret what she knew would happen next. She took his hand in her own. Energy surged from them. As it met and mingled, the outline of the altar of sacrifice formed between them: what looked like a ghostly white stone atop an intricately wrought ornate gold pedestal shimmered in the air. If she kissed him, held him close to her, she would take his heart and his life. The tingling anticipation rippled over their bodies. Their breaths quickened. Their hearts beat in unison. They could no longer feel where one started and the other began. Seamless joy enraptured them. Light into light, shadow into shadow, their sense of oneness blinded them to the world around. The golden threads waving from their hearts reached out one for the other. As each chord met it's equal and opposite, they sighed with delight. "Oh, Anteros," Toby gasped, "May she take my heart, and find me worthy." Toby clasped his hands over his chest. As he pulled away, his aetheric heart followed his hands, leaving his body. He placed his heart on the altar, his face covered in sensual malaise. Before Sirel could stop him, his heart touch the altar. His body seized up as his life flowed into her. Sirel gasped as his energy overwhelmed her. Frozen in the moment, she watched his lifeless body falling to the ground. She wanted him to be with her more than she ever wanted anything. Longing is infinite. The exquisite pain, sacrifice, and life consumed at this altar would never satisfy that longing. It was a flame that merely fed the fire. As she looked into his trusting eyes, falling lifelessly before her, she realized her longing was desire for wholeness. It was not a sign of lack. She longed for him, yearned for him, loved him because he complemented and completed her. Without a thought, she pulled her own heart energy from her chest and placed it on the altar. "I love you too." She said as she fell to her knees. Bliss enveloped them.
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