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How to cook exotic meat: a guide on how to cook everything from umberhulk to dragon to kobold

— by Slodius Rex   The beef and pork of Kormice, the wheat of Elysia, the riverfish of Weirland, the ears of... Ankheg?!?!   It may be little weird to hear, but the exotic meats of monsters can be quite tasty if cooked correctly. Ankhegs, Hippogriffs, Hell Hounds, the flank of the Gibbering Mouther, Ogre thumb, all of these and so much more offer more than unique flavor. Almost all parts of the creatures in this world can offer unique benefits, if cooked correctly. Wonder what it would be like to have the strength of an ogre for a couple hours? What about the intelligence of a mind flayer? Or how does the disabling gaze of a medusa sound? These can be achieved in part if their meat is cooked correctly.   *Note: Eating a medusa, while it does provide benefits, can be seen as an evil act to almost all good aligned gods. In fact, eating most of these creatures is. This treatise is not to promote eating them but giving the information on if they were to be eaten.   The treatment of meat is the fundamental part of cooking it. Taking the meat directly to its exact cooking method and the time between are dire. If a cow's meat is outside for a day, the meat is likely riddled with flies and rendered inedible. Leave, say, an ettercap steak out, and no one will touch it. However, the ettercap meat will grow bad after 5 days. The prime time to cook it is right at 4 days. At this point the fat and juices will help break down the meat. The seasoning must not go too heavy either. If cooked correctly, the effect it gives the eater resembles a spider's climb. The effect last a few hours then gradually diminishes over the course of an hour until completely gone.   Some creatures have the same effect. For example, all giants grant a small boost to your strength, just like potions but a lesser effect.   Another curious example is Galeb Duhr. This stony creature's "meat" is more chips of rock from its body. You will need a bushel. Crush the stone in powder and use to season whatever. You will need to consume a quarter of the bushel in order to feel the effect. Eating the entire bushel will have no greater effect. Once a quarter of the bushel is consumed within a 24-hour period you will notice that you can summon a large rock that, no matter how strong you are, you can throw. It does moderate damage to and can potentially kill. This effect lasts for an hour or until you summon the stone.   As you can imagine, the meat of a dragon is the hardest to come by, but also gives a great boon. Dragon meat is most temperamental needing a lot of care and patience, but after curing and cooking and seasoning, can grant the user breath like the dragon from which the meat came. The meat will need to be affected by whatever element the dragon was: fire for red, poison for green, lightning for blue, etc. The meat must stay in this environment for a constant week. After that, it will require a slow simmering cook, to well-done. After cooking — yes, after cooking — you will need to season the meat with spices from the Deadlands. Be sure to use a pound of seasoning. Let it sit out and set for two weeks. After that time, two bites of meat will grant you breath of a dragon for ten minutes. You will have five charges of the breath and it will be of the intensity of the dragon you ate.   Of course there are too, too many creatures to list here, but I hope this gives you some idea of what to expect. May you find plenty of recipes out in the wild or create you own.


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