CLIFFORD File #5 "To Kill the Emperor"

In the year of A4 998 the Bureau of Magical Study and Investigation became aware of a 7ft2 brass man. His name, Clifford Steelcart, a human brain trapped in a magical/divine/mechanical construct unlike anything encountered before. After some negotiation, Clifford shared many sensitive and significant secrets with the BMSI. The information acquired in these interviews and interrogations are top-level classified under code name "The Clifford Files".

C.F-5 "To Kill the Emperor".

The following interview was conducted by Special Agent Reesah Starclear within the newly liberated The town of Newlight. This was the 5th interview with Clifford Steelcart and it details the dangerous new technology the Mega-Godamatron, along with addressing matters of Shaadah, Second Sahond, and the Black Emperor of Sahond.



SA Starclear - What did it look like?
A Steelcart- It wasn't like the one in Vaneesh. Not a gazebo, more like a big black throne with pipes and wires and tubes...and spikes! Lots of black spikes. It was made to the Emperor's tastes...a real scary looking thing.
SA Starclear - And this was the first Mega-Godamatron built by Dr Victor Von Gloom? What year?
A Steelcart - Aw Lady, my brain don't work too good and I'm over 200 years old, yknow? Sometime between A4 900 and 950 I'd say. He built the machine under order of the emperor. He was being forced to create something to enhance the Emperor's strength and shit, yknow?
SA Starclear - So he constructed the machine and then what?
A Steelcart - Well, he spent over 1000 years working on that stupid thing. It's all he ever talked about really. When it was done, he casually informed me he was going to assassinate the Emperor. I thought this guy was like super loyal to the Emp! I was like, WHAT!!? I'm IN!!!
SA Starclear- So he rigged the machine to kill the Emperor?
A Steelcart - Umm, not exactly? I mean, the plan was to definitely kill the Emperor, but that's not how he rigged the machine.
SA Starclear - How did he rig the machine, Cliff?
A Steelcart - Aw man, its fucked up. Real fucked up. I swear, none of it was my idea!
SA Starclear - Cliff, how did he rig the Godamatron?
A Steelcart - Ok...Look, they got this real special cleric, head priest of wilder, Na'tari! Yah, Na'tari... The poor girl was terrified of the machine, y'see she was a Wildrrfolk. They hate non-wilder places and -
SA Starclear - Wilder folk?
A Steelcart - WILDRRRRRR FOOOOLK. They are a people! From new Sahond, northern folk, really sweet folk, but timid, y'know? They got like elven faces but their eyes... like deer! K'know? All big and cute?
SA Starclear - Cliff, the machine. How was it rigged to kill the Emperor.
A Steelcart - (bangs table) It wasn't,, I telling you! Victor rigged it to kill the little cleric girl instead. Called it a "necessary sacrifice for saving the world". Turning on the machine would... cause her to...to...die...like badly. Real badly.
SA - I see. What did this hope to accomplish?
A Steelcart - I'm not a fucking scientist, lady! Look, the Emperor was impossible to ever get close to. He was constantly protected by Gloomatronic Shaadahbots! Those damn things never question orders and they keep the Emperor completely safe at all times! Sun up, Sun down, SAFE! Get it? This was the first time in over 500 years that fucker even came out of his goddamn lair! He demanded Victor give him unlimited power, but he if he wanted that, he would have to enter the machine alone. it was our only shot.
SA Starclear - So...the cleric?
A Steelcart - The cleric (long pause.) Victor rigged the machine to start up just fine, the Wildrr girl began screaming the second it did and...(long pause.)
SA Starclear - I know this is hard, but we need to-
A Steelcart- (yelling) He rigged the the thing to fill the girl up with all of Na'tari's power and then focus it as a weapon on the Emperor, destroying him, her, the machine, and ALL OF US! Get it? BOOOOOM!!!
SA Starclear - That was the plan? All of you die in a giant God powered explosion? How noble of you...Dr Von Gloom too?
A Steelcart - Ok, at the time I thought he was crazy, sure, but he started talking about the greater good and herioism. I'm a sucker for that shit! . Was I excited about it!? NO! Was I ready to die to save the fucking world? FUCK YES! (bangs table.)
SA Starclear - (writes something) Please continue.
A Steelcart - Ok. Well, the machine started reving up, getting really loud and sparking. Shaking around all crazy! The Shaadabots started advancing the machine in concern when the Emperor started screaming. I was ready for it maaaaan, boom, death! Heroism! The whole gig! But no...
SA Starlear - No?
A Steelcart - So the girl died, and the Na'tari power was collected and all ready to blow! But...when the cleric died, in that brief moment...the machine was without a head priest...and...well...it was...
SA Starclear - (raising her voice) and what, Cliff!? What happened next!?
A Steelcart - (sobbing) Aw man, Shaadah made the Emperor the head cleric of his fucked up religion! The machine recognized him as a new power source, and Shaadah gave the emperor all his power, except he wasn't being used as a living battery, he was blessed upon his new throne. He wasn't powering the machine...he was commanding it.
SA Starclear - (in shock) That's impossible! Shaadah does not have clerics! Shaadah gives nothing and destroys all! You are lying to me!
A Steelcart - (smashing table into audible pieces) The fuck I am! Maybe you don't know, fuck all, about Shaadah! You sure as hell didn't know about New Sahond! I'm telling you, the emperor became a GOD that day! Unimaginable power! When he sits on that machine, he's like a level 20 cleric! Direct Shaadah power, piped in by the MegaGod-whatever! And he's pissed! SUPER PISSED!
SA Starclear - Pissed at whom?
A Steelcart - (condescendingly) Yknow, he didn't say! Maybe its YOU for allowing VICTOR to GET AWAY in VANEESH! Are we done here!?
SA Starclear - For now, yes. I appreciate your full disclosure. By King's order I suggest you continue being available for questions. On behalf of King Vander Pontifex Vandergash and all of the kingdom, I thank you.