Report of Initial Contact with the Sunlit Landsdwellers, cont. Prose in Corive | World Anvil

Report of Initial Contact with the Sunlit Landsdwellers, cont.

To the Expedition Services,
Fourth Report, Second Day of Contact
 
I pray for patience and Luck's favor - I was not trained for this. I will slay the great spiders up here that are pitiful compared to the ones we hunt. I will defend our primitive and simple outposts that embarass me to know they were built at my orders. Nearly everything up here is beyond my training.
 
The Lands Beyond the Cavern Mouths we were sent to explore are still a strange place, and inhabited. These inhabitants are many and they are tall peoples, who have strange words we do not have in this place. Thankfully, they've had the foresight to bring someone who could make us understand them - and better yet it was someone who uses magic, so we do not need to spend time trying to teach our language to them and vice versa. I reported and requisitioned before - we should have considered a mage for the expedition.
Spiders and Dwarf by Myself, G.Art, Lyraine
 
If we had to, we would have, but it's become clear misunderstandings would ensue from the gaps in vocabulary. We've taken to using their words for things only found up here, though in writing this report we may have to be creative in our efforts. They've taken to calling us people, but themselves as "elves," "humans," and "orcs." I suspect they believe our word for people is our word for ... well, people who are from underground and are shorter than the "elves," "humans," and "orcs" who tower above us, some nearly twice as tall as myself. They've struggled to say our word for people, twisting it into "Dwarves," and I have no doubt we've mangled their words in similar ways.
 
We've determined these lands to be called the "Sunlit Lands" because they are lit by the "sun" - their moving source of light, unlike our roads and cities lit by our rivers. The "sun" seems to be a large distant gem holding light within its facets. It moves across the "sky" - the eternal ceiling - by an unseen current as it rises in the "morning" and falls at "night" behind the mountains. We were told not to look directly at it - Arthik had marred visions of blue-green orbs wherever he looked for sometime after, ever the contrarian that he is. At "night" there were far away sparkling crystals of light that flowed in the same direction as the "sun" called "stars," and three great spheres of stones called the "moons." The "sun" is out in the "day" while the "moons" may or may not appear with the "sun" or at "night."
 
"Sun," "moon," "stars," and then there are "clouds" in the "sky." "Clouds" are ... they look like soft rocks, maybe fabric is the better word, as they also flow along the unseen current in the "sky." Water falls from the darker clouds, much like the steam-mists of our cavern-roads would condense water onto cooler surfaces. I am not a man who seeks the answers of how the unknown work, but I imagine the "clouds" are hot to the touch, if we could reach them at all, as they tend to be bright, like flames are.
 
While the features of the eternal ceiling are fascinating and unlike our homes, they are not what must be noted here for all memory for our people.
 
We have the ability to consume whatever tries to kill us. Those of the Sunlit Lands are weakened by whatever tries to kill them, if they cannot eat them, and sometimes what they kill will try to kill them after death. Madhis is our best cook, and when the Sunlit Landsdwellers made us a feast when we first met, we felt we could return the favor - it seemed an appropriate custom to mimic when we have the same custom. We have had time to learn how to hunt and harvest food before meeting those living up here, and had found a variety of highly palatable combinations in culinary arts of the Sunlit Lands.
 
This, we found, was to be a diplomatic disaster. During the "night" after our meal, one of the aides came to our camp demanding to know what we had cooked with. We and Madhis were delighted to share but the aide ran away shouting about "poison" and how we tried to kill the diplomats. This made no sense. We were armed, yes, but we never put our steel to them.
 
Concerned we had killed, cooked, and then presented some creature of cultural value, we approached the camp with open arms and without weapons. We had to know how we erred, how we could best repair this tenuous peace. I reiterate, it is all but certain that the expedition would be lost if we were to come into combat due to their numbers and familiarity with this environment despite our superior weapons.
 
We have no word for "poison" because it is a Sunlit Lands weapon one eats or drinks to make one become "sick" - which is another word we don't have. Or rather, we don't have the right word-equivalent. It is starting to be irritating when each word seems to be meaning another word when our words build on each other to make a new meanings when written.
Is it food.png
Is this food? by Lyraine Alei/G.Art
We had proven ourselves capable of not getting weakened, or "poisoned," when we ate exactly what had been prepared ourselves without issue. The dwellers of the Sunlit Lands get weakened when they eat a plant called "hemlock" that we had ground into a paste to season with. Our constitution was marveled at as something unusual, suggesting the people up here are less enduring than us when they were forged by the gods - if they were forged by our gods at all.
 
I had recommended some excellent working songs that have helped me recover my strength when I had been weak in mind as a young man or when my body had felt the urge to lay about, our meaning of the word "sick," but apparently my advice was inappropriate and unappreciated. "Illness," a word apparently also meaning "sickness," which also means "being sick," is a condition where these Sunlit Landsdwellers must laze about and continue being weakened until they stop being weak or simply die. It makes no sense to me, when we are weak without injury, we do not laze about and pray for the gods make us better out of their mercy, we bolster ourselves and endure into greater strength.
 
We were lucky in our willingness to share our ingredients, as it allowed for healers to provide some kind of drink to resolve the worst of the "poison." This may have been the sole reason we were able to salvage diplomatic relations with the Sunlit Lands, as well as our ability to eat the food without being "poisoned." One of the aides still suspects we were intending to kill them.
 
It is interesting that the person who was healed first is also the person who used magic to let us all speak together.
 
We do not have these words, as apparently "sickness" is not the same as being weakened. I suspect "sick" up here is more akin to our word for injured, but is an injury with no wound we can readily heal.
 
In our future dealings with these peoples, I recommend we learn to cook their meals and replicate those instead of what we ourselves would eat. Perhaps we should proceed with caution when eating Sunlit foods, as our belief that nothing we have killed and have eaten is capable of killing us may not hold true up here.
 
I wish I had more I could report on, but after the dinner, we've been more cautious when interacting with the peoples of this land. They've been delighted to hear how we have crystals we can store light within, but have politely requested that we cease our cooking attempts for them. I will write another report by the end of the week. Included with this report is a request for a diplomat who has experience with reuniting Lost Routes to us, as they likely have more applicable skills than we do, considering they actually deal with people, and not combat like myself. And please, a healer, the last thing I want is to be remembered as the man who died of stress when dealing with peoples who are armed with wooden and bronze weapons when we have iron and steel.
Commander Dor'ist Ironstone

Legacy:

The Dwarves have adopted a number of words they call "sønd͡zint" - Sunwords, words from the languages of the Sunlit Lands - and while they may not fully understand the terms, their language now use the terms to describe "This idea is one we don't have in our language and it looks like this description as according to people from the Sunlit Lands."

Additional Reading:



Cover image: by Lyraine Alei, Midjourney

Comments

Please Login in order to comment!
Jan 5, 2020 02:43

Lyraine Alei, I found this to be a very clever and interesting story! At the first couple of lines I was a little lost on what was going on, and then suddenly it became clear that we were hearing from someone who had no idea what a sun or a sky or stars were! Very entertaining. I'm keen to see how this fits into your wider world!

Jan 5, 2020 05:08 by Lyraine Alei

Thank you! I will likely be re-editing that opening to make it clearer right away as to what's going on, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Jan 12, 2020 21:29 by Jacob Billings

Enjoyable little excerpt with an interesting take on language. It's rather interesting to understand the way you came up with the language and the format of the words they have is a really unique concept.  

the light coming from above and fading away before growing again where we have the steady flow of the rivers to light our roads.
  There is a little bit of funky grammar there. Because of the way you phrased it, you say that "the light coming from above and fading away before growing again" is the subject. In this case, you then that that "it where we have the steady flow of rivers to light our roads". The problem is the tense. "The light comes from above before fading away only to grow again, whereas we have a steady flow of the rivers to light our roads."  
These are strange people with strange words we do not have in a strange place.
  You should probably have a comma before with and after have. This would make it an appositive and flow smoother, meaning the sentence could do without it while still including the information.  
The "sun" does not flow light like the rivers we have,
  This is a little strange, though equally hard to explain why. It would flow smoother with a slight article variation. "The 'sun' doesn't provide a flow of light like the rivers we have,". This seems to affect the verbs in the sentence, offering a smoother reading.   In your mentions of the sky, you should also include clouds. This is a unique aspect that I either haven't reached yet or you didn't include.   The small things, like the instance of poison are really well written, using important elements of the story.  
Illness," a word apparently meaning "sickness,"
  You put the word "illness" and "sickness" in quotes, implying that they mean the same thing. Again, you later define the word. Perhaps the ordering of this should be changed as it is slightly weird to have an entry about an unknown word meaning another unknown word to later define it.  
It is interesting that the person who healed is also the person who used magic to let us all speak together.
  This comes out of nowhere as you haven't previously mentioned the use of Magic at all.  
Perhaps this "hemlock" could be used to create baits and feed our own people more safely, spider-hunting is sometimes dangerous, particularly when the many-legged serpents rise up.
  The mention of spider-hunting, which is also not mentioned before, seems out of place in the sentence. It may be in your favor to separate this in the paragraph.   The prose itself is really unique and interesting.

Jan 12, 2020 21:35 by Lyraine Alei

O= Thank you!   I admit, most of what you point out were spots I had trouble with because I was trying to take myself out of my viewpoint and into what is, to me, an alien mindset, resulting in awkward phrasings.

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Jan 15, 2020 03:50 by Amara King

It might have taken me longer than I'd hoped to actually read this, because of my broken glasses, but I enjoyed it. The writing being from a perspective of someone who had never heard of sun or stars took some getting used to, but once I did it was a fun read. I just have one issue that really bothers me:

We've determined these lands to be called "Sunlit Lands" because they are lit by the "sun," the moving source of light. The "sun" does not glow like the rivers we would, but seems like a great distant gem holding light within its facets as it flows along an unseen current. We were told not to look directly at it - Arthik had marred visions of blue-green orbs wherever he looked for some time after. At "night" there were far, sparkling crystals of light that flowed in the same direction as the "sun" called "stars" and three great spheres of stone called the "moons". The "sun" is out in the "day" while the "moons" may or may not be in the "sky" - the ceiling that seems to never end - with the "sun.

This paragraph feels like two of the sentences {The "sun" does not glow like the rivers we would, but seems like a great distant gem holding light within its facets as it flows along an unseen current.} and {The "sun" is out in the "day" while the "moons" may or may not be in the "sky" - the ceiling that seems to never end - with the "sun.} are incomplete. I'm thinking for the first one, part of the misunderstanding/feeling incomplete is a lack of knowledge on my part of what 'The "sun" does not glow like the rivers we would' is meant to reference. A tooltip about the rivers, or some other way of explaining what the glowing rivers are, would probably be useful there. As for the second sentence it might simply be the missing end quotation mark that makes it feel like there's supposed to be something more.

Overall I really enjoyed the story and it feels really unique. Excellent work!

Jan 15, 2020 17:31 by Lyraine Alei

Ah, yes, the rivers are lava flows, as the dwarves are originally from under the mountains. I should put that in, won't require a tooltip even. And I likely am missing the end quotation, as I tried to avoid dialogue and allow the narrating character to focus more on the words. Thank you for catching those errors and pointing out the rivers flaw! I forget that I know more than the readers.   I am really glad you enjoyed reading my entry, and writing from the perspective of a person who had never heard of a sun and sky was hard to get into, which may have been why it was a hard perspective to read from at first. XD

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Jan 18, 2020 03:59

I have to admit, I find the original version of this much more interesting and entertaining then the re-worked version. I get that you have responded to some suggestions and criticisms, but to be honest I find the "reader" (i.e. me) now taken out of the story in a way - I appreciate people's need for correct grammar and making things fit OUR words and OUR understanding, but we are meant to be reading the report of what is essentially an alien (i.e. not one of "us") to his own people; I don't expect to see correct grammar or hints and highlights made for me.   There is, I find, in fantasy a tendency to be very cold and articulate and make things easy for a reader - I liked that it took me a couple of sentences to work out what was going on in the original version. I apologise for not making that more clear in my original message. Some of the best fantasy I know often doesn't explain a lot of the world, it just shows it. Granted, this is a short excerpt and not much room for future explanation, but I really think the original, cleaner version was much more of a joy to read. I will however say that the addition of reference to the rivers being lava was great - I actually didn't pick up on that first time around, I had this vision of luminescent water flows! But lava makes WAY more sense!   Either way, old version or new, you have a great story here and a really interesting take. It could easily be a real-world example, or a sci-fi one - jeez, even just trying to explain something from the early 80's to a kid morn in 21st century!   Great work, and I continue to be interested in the wider world you have created here.   Brett

Jan 18, 2020 07:38 by Lyraine Alei

I'm playing, right now, with some ideas on how to ease the reader in without having overt "this is what this thing is" descriptions, as you said the story is told from an alien perspective to those who live on the surface of the world. I may wind up using tooltip text, the hover-over kind, as I am a huge fan of the footnotes as found in Good Omens. I'm rambling as it's late for me, but I enjoyed reading your comments, and delighted you've found yourself interested in the wider world of Corive.

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Feb 9, 2020 02:31

Footnotes! What a great idea, and like you say used to such to such a wonderful extent in Good Omens. As a side note, I don't know if you are very familiar with Jasper Fforde's books where the main character can travel INTO books, and she often gets communications from book characters in footnotes, and it is written as footnotes in the book, so you'd be reading the paragraph and have to jump down to the footnotes, then back up to the main text - most fun reading I've ever had!   But I digress, yes, footnotes might be an excellent touch to cover those concerns. I'm having a thousand thoughts now of some future archaeologist finding the missive and reading it, trying to understand what they read or something like that. Anyways, keep up the good work!   Brett

Jan 24, 2020 05:50

I like the letter format of your story, and the way you were able to contrast the dwarves to others through this challenge.

- Hello from Valayo! Featured work: How to Write Great Competition Articles
Jan 24, 2020 16:28 by Lyraine Alei

Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed the article!

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Feb 4, 2020 00:03 by Diane Morrison

I love this! Naturally the Dwarves would have no word for "poison," since they can't be poisoned, and no word for "illness," since they don't get sick. I had not considered the ramifications of that before, and I imagine this scenario has probably been repeated in many fantasy worlds.   I have little to say about the prose because I think it's quite well done. I don't think you should worry overmuch about "flowery language," as we were discussing on the Discord. This sounds to me like a fairly typical diplomatic report, from the Ancient World to the Middle Ages and even into the Renaissance. As a matter of fact, I think you've struck the tone just right. Excellent work!

Author of the Wyrd West Chronicles and the Toy Soldier Saga. Mother of Bunnies, Eater of Pickles, Friend of Nerds, First of her Name.
Feb 4, 2020 00:18 by Lyraine Alei

While I believe the scenario has been documented in other fantasy worlds, but I've not come across them yet outside of (I think) the Artemis Fowl book series, so I thought it was a fun take on the Language challenge to play with "we don't have these words, nor a word that is a direct correlation." I also wanted to play with "Disastrous First Contact" tropes.   I'm glad you found the prose to be accurate enough to the feeling of a diplomatic report, though I am still looking through to find my long run-on sentences to make them easier for more modern readers.   Thank you for the comment, it tickles me to see people take an interest in "missing words" from languages.

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Feb 8, 2020 20:33 by Lyraine Alei

Oh dear, I lost a section of my story. A huge section of my story

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive
Feb 8, 2020 20:48 by Lyraine Alei

The Missing sections should go:

We've determined these lands to be called the "Sunlit Lands" because they are lit by the "sun" - their moving source of light, unlike our [roads and cities lit by the glowing rivers.] The "sun" seems to be a large distant gem holding light within its facets. It moves across the "sky" - the eternal ceiling - by an unseen current as it rises in the "morning" and falls at "night" behind the mountains. We were told not to look directly at it - Arthik had marred visions of blue-green orbs wherever he looked for sometime after, ever the contrarian that he is. At "night" there were far away sparkling crystals of light that flowed in the same direction as the "sun" called "stars," and three great spheres of stones called the "moons." The "sun" is out in the "day" while the "moons" may or may not appear with the "sun" or at "night."

"Sun," "moon," "stars,"...

Lyraine, Consumer of Lore, She/Her, primary project: Corive