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Certified Wiz (C.W.)

The budding spellcrafter must be as unflappable and deliberate as a windmill, neither giving way to instinct nor exhibiting any natural reflex. To act so compulsively is contrary to proper dignity and deleterious to personal health. If spellcrafting is interrupted with the caprices of the animal brain, a caster will typically experience rapid snap-coiling of any currently unpacked multithrombin complex, resulting in instantaneous personal deconstruction as well as expulsion from the school. I advise you to practice your wizardly composure perpetually.
— Alumlar Blurnslime, Dean of Undergraduates, P.U.
  The C.W. Certification is a four-year Wizarding education program offered at each of several Arcane Research and Security Enterprises (or ARSEs for short) which qualifies applicants to "have at least a 50% chance to serve with distinction for more than ten years". The incredible risks associated with spellcasting, the main business of a Certified Wiz, can be minimized if it is ingrained in their instincts to try nothing fancy and never to cast when excited or distracted. In addition, the manipulation of forces beyond mortal comprehension is certainly easier if the student is first taught to comprehend forces which are within mortal comprehension, and so the majority of a C.W. curriculum just focuses on mathematics, natural science, and history.



Wizards are nominally reliant on especial powers of intellect and knowledge to accomplish great works, but it is in fact their ability to be level-headed, methodical, and, in short, boring which correlates with long life and great achievement. Working with spells is hilariously dangerous, and those who push the limits wind up pushing up daisies.   The least passionate and most steadfast applicants are selected by an unofficial but quite rigorous entry process which takes the form of a bureaucratic labyrinth which must be patiently waded through before acceptance. This is universal to ARSEs as it reduces fires and explosions and mass transfigurations of the undergraduate dorms by over 80%. If a student can face the incredible inefficiency of the university registrar, they probably have the mettle to be a wizard. Maybe.

Career Progression

Applicants who withstand the cosmic torment of the admissions process are entered into the registry as Undergraduates. These students receive a full year's instruction before their first casting course, "Spellcasting vs. Survival", in their sophomore term. They then study general knowledge and spellcrafting technique in tandem until, during the second term of Senior year, they are assigned to a capstone project which takes them beyond the boundaries of the school. If they survive and complete their capstone, students are awarded the traditional C.W. cap and a diploma.   Many C.W.s remain in academia to work in the feild of arcane research, as new spells are always being discovered and professors are always needing sudden replacement. This is especially popular in Bloodmarsh as the death rate among professors is slightly lower than that of military field magicians and town casters. Slightly.   Most graduates instead enter the job market, where there's always demand for casters in every field. No aspect of economy is without applications for a decent C.W., and so graduates are imminently hireable. Many students, put through their education by a community effort, return to remote hamlets to act as town caster.

Payment & Reimbursement

C.W.s are typically in line for pay starting around 2 or 2.4 lbAu/month, a high rate of pay in these deflated economic times. Military pay is higher, while town casters are mostly paid in favors and goods, acting mostly for duty or to pay off his debts to his neighbors.

Other Benefits

A C.W. benefits from increased thaumic radiation exposure throughout his education and career due to the high volume of magic which he or she handles. They also benefit from increased chances to turn inside out or become three-headed and no-necked. Their lifespan is statistically half that of other folk, but only due to personal errors during casting, so many accept the risk.



Recent student registry queries have revealed the following demographic breakdown of ARSE undergraduates and alumni at Pimento U., the Tower of Infinite Stucco, and Knottedham College.   Gender: Male 46%, Female 54%
Comment: Most male children are trained from birth for physical labor and combat, and only the most recalcitrant and intelligent were relinquished to intellectual pursuits. Females are therefor more often free and inclined to attempt the certification. Both genders seem similarly apt to the task per subrace, except among Ettercaps.   Subrace: Lowhut 29%, Criminoid 25%, Locathah 16%, Goblin 14%, Ettercap 8%, Bighornian 8%.
Comment: Bighornian representation is low, owing to the general opinion that it takes brain to be a wizard. However, as determined through survey by The Hegemon's Review in 2267, they have the longest average lifespan after graduation owing to their "natural chillz" (sic). Ettercap and Locathah representation are higher than their population size, demonstrating success in the Screwbro Accessibility Initiative to grant scholarships to genetically disadvantaged applicants.   Age: Older than 70: 5%, 60 to 69: 8%, 45 to 59: 13%, 30 to 44: 28%, Younger than 30: 46%



The C.W. has certain techniques which may be put to use at some added risk above wizards trained in less desperate locales.  

Advanced Casting Options

  Immediate Spell In an extreme pinch, a wizard can cast a spell she hadn't prepared ahead of time. This does not use up a spell slot at all, but takes the needed energy right out of the caster. You must pull out your spellbook and either work at a table or sit on the ground to work with your supplies. The casting time of the spell is increased to a number of rounds equal to the spell's level. Concentration checks during this period are taken at -4. At the end of the casting time, you must succeed at a Spellcobble check to cast the spell. Casting this way is an enormous strain on the caster's mind and body; you become Fatigued after attempting the spell, or Exhausted if you are already Fatigued. You also take 1d6 subdual damage per effective spell level from the mental strain.   Alter Spell You quickly reshape the tromkins of a prepared spell to fit the circumstances. Apply any number of metamagic feats to a spell you have prepared, changing its required spell slot level and replacing a prepared spell of that level. The casting time increases to 1 round, and you must succeed on a Spellcobble check to cast it. You suffer 1d4 subdual damage per effective spell level of the cast spell due to the mental strain.  

Spellcobble Check

Arcane casters can manipulate and modify unpacked spells in complicated and risky ways, making them more powerful but altogether more dangerous to anybody they hang around with. To Cobble safely requires a modified Spellcraft check.
DC = 10 + spell's effective level + spell's caster level

Since this check is made more difficult by a high caster level (equating to higher overall spell energy), it is never without risk to attempt a Cobble. If you fail a Spellcobble check made to cast a spell (such as when Casting Hastily or using Overcharge Spell), the spell become Unstable.
For possible ramifications of Spellcobble checks, see Spell Becomes Unstable .

Spell Becomes Unstable

To prevent Bad Stuff from happening, you must make a Spellcobble Check against the spell as a full-round action starting immediately, or upon your next opportunity, to prevent the spell from going critical and creating a Spell Mishap. Concentration checks must be taken during this action as if casting the spell. Success means that the spell disappears with a puff of multicolored smoke. Failure means a Spell Mishap occurs immediately. See Spell Mishaps .

Spell Mishaps

Spell Mishap: The magic charge of an arcane spell can go horribly crackerdog under the right circumstances.
The nature of the result is determined as below. Roll a d20 and add the failed spell's effective spell level (base level including metamagic adjustments):

Total ...................... Result
0-10 ......................Fozzle
11-16 .................. Miscrackle
17-19 .................. Explosion
20-25 ......... Explosion and Miscrackle
26+ ........... Lasting Causal Scar

- Fozzle: Like fizzling, but leaves your head feeling fuzzle. Fizzy. Fuzzy. The spell dissipates harmlessly, but you become Confuzed for 1d3 hours. Every fifteen minutes, you can attempt a Will save (DC 20) to shake off the effect early.
- Miscrackle: The thrombins glevate miscongelularly. Roll on the table of effects for a Rod of Wonder once per effective spell level of the failed spell. If the original spell doesn't have it's caster or target present, you serve the deficient role.
- Explosion: A blast of energy is emitted from your handiwork as reality suddenly gets wise to what you were trying to pull. This blast deals 1d6 damage per effective spell level of a random type to all creatures and objects within 20 feet. Roll 1d6 to find determine the type. 1: fire, 2: cold, 3: lightning, 4: acid, 5: sonic, 6: cats.
A reflex save (DC 15+ spell level) halves the damage for anyone outside the exact square where the explosion takes place. Any knucklehead in that space gets no save.
- Lasting Causal Scar: The local thaumospace is badly widdled. Something really strange happens to the area around you, and its effects are permanent. The DM can make one up, or refer to the sample list provided separately.

Dispelling On the Fly

When faced with an ongoing magical effect, you can attempt to Dispel it without the Dispel Magic spell. This is mostly dependent on your raw familiarity with spell structures, so it mostly comes down to a Knowledge (Arcana) check.
First, you must have Detect Magic active. Without, the unpacked thrombins are quite invisible and so untouchable.
Second, you must examine the target spell from Touch range (or within reach of the spell's region of effect) with the aid of Detect Magic to understand how it fits together, and then break a spellement to release the remaining magic potential. Making a Knowledge (Arcana) check as a full-round action (DC = 15+ spell's effective level):
Success by 5 or more means you not only identify all the spellements, but also recognize the half-unpacked thrombin complex for the exact spell it is. You learn the name, caster level, and remaining duration of the target spell.
Success means you properly identify all spellements which define the spell and can proceed with something resembling confidence.
Failure means you are pretty hazy on the structure of target spell and suffer -2 your Caster Level check if you perform it this turn.
Failure by 6 or more means you screwed something up badly and identified an unsafe shortcut instead of a proper measure; you blithely attack the spell in just the wrong way, thinking you were on to the solution. the target spell becomes Unstable and you suffer -2 on the Spellcobble check to sink its energy.
Last, if you didn't get hasty and destabilize the spell, you may make a Caster Level check (DC 12 + target spell's level) as a free action to break a carefully selected spellement and remove the spell. If you succeed, the spell's energy is released harmlessly. If you fail, the strength of the spell rebuffs you. You may try again next round, but you suffer a cumulative -2 on the Knowledge (Arcana) check because all your better ideas have already been used up.



The starting gold of a C.W. student is basically a dim and peachy memory by the time of senior year. The starting equipment of a Lvl. 4 wizard who has completed their C.W. training is:
- 4d4gp starting gold
- Spellbook containing all 1st and 2nd level spells listed in the Thatchhome's Open-Access Spellbook .
- 3 1st-level wands of player's choice
- Arcane Bond or Familiar
- Leaded "Wiz" cap and robe of chosen color and pattern
- Some worn-out street clothes
- 4 textbooks. Each provides a +2 Circumstance bonus on a chosen Knowledge check.
- Shoes, but not good ones.
- Research Spell  

Research Spell

During the third-year Scribing Lab, every student is assigned, alone or in a team, to fashion an all-new spell using the skills they've learned. Each player gets a different spell unless they worked on the same team during the lab. This spell is utterly unique and cannot be learnt by other casters due to copyright considerations. The player must choose one of the following three options:   Unguided Research: The player or player's team was allowed to select their own goal for spellcrafting, but received no faculty mentorship. They create a 0th level spell, and they may specify the effect which they intended to produce with it, though it may not have totally worked subject to GM discretion and the Rule of Funny.   Guided Research: The team worked under a professor in his/her research lab. They create a 1st level spell, and may specify the school of magic, but not the intended effect.   Sponsored Spell: The team is assigned to a larger team of contractors under a 3rd party organization. They create a new 2nd-level spell, but have no control over what it is or does. However, it's a copyrighted, proprietary spell, and they may sell the markup out of their spellbook for a 45 gp commission on each sale.   The G.M. is then to determine the effects, drawbacks, and other data about the new spell. Note that a G.M. has the obligation to play you like a fiddle, twisting your intent like the fabled monkey's paw. This gives the player a starting story - how did your project spell go off the rails so badly?

Dangers & Hazards

  • Death.
  • Apparent death followed by burial followed by actual death.
  • Loss of limbs.
  • Gain of limbs.
  • Death by gain of hostile limbs.
  • Liver disorders.
  • Inability to hit clutch free-throws.
  • To-few-lungs disorder.
  • Bone pain.
  • Full body skin loss.
  • Pointed sticks rammed through favorite organs.
  • Anointing of the bladder with hoards of minute ticks.
  • Confusion.
  • Growth of a sixth or seventh earlobe.
  • Hatred for toads.
  • T.O.O.L.N.O.P.E.
  • Feelings of social abandonment.
  • Severe thaumic radiation exposure, leading to any of these conditions, only much worse.
Without magicians of great reliability, Bloodmarsh and other hotbeds of conflict with Immortals would be utter losses, as mankind can't face its enemies on equal footing with any chance of success. Finally, the budding field of magic item engineering has

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