Cheepe Co.

So what if some of our products have a 10% chance to explode at any moment? There's nothing cheaper on earth!
  Cheepe Co. was the ACF's very first sponsor— having grown alongside the foundation since the days of Jim Folks in New Mexico. Today, they boast a worldwide array of facilities, products, and customers. Much of the ACF's weaponry and tools are produced by Cheepe Co., once out of mutual trust and respect— now merely out of simple affordability.  

Marketing & Products

Cheepe Co. produces and sells a wide variety of products, and are most well known for their catalogues of weaponry, machinery, and baked goods. Their products are often defective or of poor quality, and from this fact, they do not shy.  
Sure, John may have died after our Cheepe Co. blender flew off the counter and into his skull— but you can't beat those prices!
— A promoted customer review
APRA-Logo Small 10.png
Based in
Gallup, New Mexico
Scope
International
  Their clientele range from international corporations, governments, and militaries, to households, schools, and terrorists— each with their own varied needs. Varied needs, which are met by Cheepe Co.'s varied catalogue, which includes weapons such as firearms and firelegs, tools such as shovels or pushels, machinery like bulldozers and beardozers, and food such as cupcakes or litrecakes.  

Supernaturally Shoddy

The reason behind Cheepe Co.'s incredibly cheap prices is a as of yet unknown manufacturing process— which imbues each of their products with anomalous defects. These defects are as varied as their catalogue, including radios that shrink in the cold, pistols that disassemble entirely upon reloading, and baguettes that may explode on contact with butter. These defects are somewhat standard across singular products, though even among those, unique defects can be found. Somehow, these defects are rarely noticed by the public enough to spark controversey.  
I can't believe I need to ask this again, we really need to source new tools— this is the fifth time this week we've had to hospitalize someone after their shovel spontaneously combusted.
— Dr. Thomas, head researcher, DPS.
 

Comments

Author's Notes

Feedback is very much welcome! Whether on the content, or the formatting! Please, point out typos if you spot any!


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13 Jan, 2021 21:58

See, this is what ACME *could* be if they practiced mindfulness, ate more goji berries, and committed to stepping up their game. Somebody get the Coyote on the line....

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Jan, 2021 22:17

Smh they've really fallen out of style these days.

13 Jan, 2021 21:58

Everything about this article zings nicely! Layout, laughter, layer of apprehension...:D My brain got a massive kick out of the product catalog ahahahaha:

weapons such as firearms and firelegs, tools such as shovels or pushels, machinery like bulldozers and beardozers, and food such as cupcakes or litrecakes

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Jan, 2021 22:18

Glad that one worked out! I'm happy with that quote especially, since I spent a lot of time stuck on it for a single joke that turned into the antonym bit. Was worried I spent too long on it on stream even haha.

13 Jan, 2021 23:52

"catalogues of weaponry, machinery, and baked goods"   So... Which is the most deadly?

Author of Fillimet, bright fantasy land of possibilities
Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Jan, 2021 23:56
Sage eccbooks
E. Christopher Clark
14 Jan, 2021 15:22

I got quite a chuckle out of "their catalogues of weaponry, machinery, and baked goods."

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
14 Jan, 2021 18:17

The time-honored trio.

Sage Serukis
Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull
16 Jan, 2021 16:23

Ekaj is Jake backwards. *conspiracy board pinning*   I love this article - it made me laugh in several places. The logo is amazing, too! :D

Emy x   Welcome to Etrea!
Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
16 Jan, 2021 18:40

Maybe there's a close friend and frequent aid on APRA whom Ekaj is loosely based on or something. Maybe we both thought it would be funny if the character's name was literally his name backwards.   Thank you!