Wheelie Mobilies

DESIGNATION: A-2003

THREAT LEVEL: GUM WRAPPER

Wheelie Mobilies make life feelie breezie!

— Wheelie Mobilies tagline

A-2003 is a pair of bright neon green-and-blue sneakers with wheels in their heels. When worn, they cannot be removed— and propel their wearer wherever they please until they decide the wearer is "cool."

Anomaly Description

A-2003 takes the form of a gaudy pair of neon-green sneakers. Circles and squares are sprinkled along its surface in a sickening neon-blue, the same color of the sole, beneath. Embedded into each heel is a neon-green wheel, allowing for "breezie" movement. The sneakers are always the perfect size for whoever finds them.
When worn, A-2003 cannot be removed by the wearer, and the embedded wheels will begin to spin rapidly— carrying the wearer wherever the shoes wish. No matter how hard they try, the wearer will be unable to place the front of their feet down to brake, or lift their feet off the ground except to perform tricks. It is only when the wearer is considered "cool" by A-2003 that the sneakers will allow themselves to be removed. The sneakers' idea of "cool" is, unfortunately, rather outdated— including not only the successful performance of "sick" tricks with the shoes (such as grinding on the edge of a table, doing a flip off of an angled wall, or spinning in midair), but dressing and acting in a manner that was trendy when the shoes were first created. This includes spiking one's hair, wearing sunglasses indoors, lots of denim, and using words such as "sick," "radical," "gnarly," and "brah."

Missing Maker

Wheelie Mobilies were widely advertised throughout the world from 2002 - 2005, with billboards, television commercials, magazine ads, and more. Despite this, Wheelie Mobilies were never sold— or produced. A-2003 is the only model to be found, despite advertisements depicting at least two other designs for the sneakers. A-2003 was found by a delinquent child in the back of an abandoned arcade, who was taken on a comedic and heart-lifting journey of self discovery by the sneakers— it is unknown how A-2003 arrived there.
Any traces of the Wheelie Mobilies company have disappeared, even the faces of those seen in their marketing campaign fail to match up with available records. Any information on other models of the sneakers, or the company that made them, are to be reported to Investigations.

Wheels? In shoes?! It was never gonna work— of course the company disappeared! I'm sure it was from embarrassment, they knew what they'd done and they just couldn't, in good conscience, stick around to see the consequences of their dark creation.

— Bin Folks, Administrator

Anomaly Containment Procedures

A-2003 is to be contained within a shoebox, and locked in a safe with a code that is— under no circumstances— to be shared with Ekaj Folks unless we want another incident, which we very much do not want to repeat. Do not so much as inform Ekaj of A-2003's location within Containment, better safe than sorry.

Logs for A-2003

Incident #2003-4
Date: 20011/4/13
Location: ACF Headquarters
Anomalies involved: A-2003, A-288
Personnel involved: Ekaj Folks

Written log
Note: A-2003 must be locked away, so that Ekaj cannot cause any more chaos.

Ekaj folks, in a particularly troublesome mood, procured A-2003 from containment, and introduced the sneakers to A-2881— a talking rhesus macaque with telekinetic abilities (hence their nickname, "Magic Monkey," which personnel often shorten to "Maj"). A-2881, not being aware of the sneakers' anomalous property, happily donned the sneakers— and was immediately sent speeding through the IT department, telekinetically shoving obstacles aside as he sped along helplessly. This, unfortunately, included personnel, several of whom were injured in the process.
It wasn't until A-2881 had reached the on-site Agnew Sr.'s, and performed an admittedly sick telekinetic flip off of a grill, that A-2003 finally came free.
-End Log-

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Experiment #2003-3
Date: 2012/8/23
Head researcher: Dr. Dee
Subject: Lemming
Description: Subject was given A-2003, told how to remove them, and released into an indoor skate park.
Result: Subject was unable to be considered "cool" by the sneakers for a period of five days, at which point A-2003 presumably felt bad for the subject, and released themselves from them.
Notes: A-2003 now shrinks to a size too small when presented to Lemmings, future experiments must be done with other personnel.

-End Logs-

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