The Adlands

It's adsolutely incredible!
  The Adlands! A beautiful stretch of the Southwest, once used to conduct nuclear advertising tests— and now, perfectly safe and fun for the whole family!  

Ad Space

See all of the world's advertisements in their natural* habitat! Ever since an alliance of advertising researchers took to the New Mexico badlands to conduct highly experimental nuclear advertising tests— the land has been transformed! Rocks are now plastered with photos, sand with slogans, hoodoos are shaped like logos, and the wind carries a jingle! Everywhere you look, down to the smallest grain of sand, you will find an ad! Here, in the Adlands, you can witness the true beauty of advertising!   *Legally we must clarify that "natural" in this context simply means "current."  
I saw one of our ads in your park last week— what do you mean we have to pay for them to show up?
— Marketer
No, no, that was paid for by one of your kind supporters! These things don't just magically appear, someone has to pay! Now, I'll send you the paperwork and we can talk about price, after you sign.
— Richard Ticks, Adlands CFO
The Adlands
 
You'll find us along Ad Rd. We're open 24/7!
 

Ad-venture

APRA Small 9.png
Take a hike! (Around the Adlands) With three distinct trails of varying difficulty, anyone is able to enjoy what the Adlands have to offer! Our first, and easiest, trail will take you on a scenic thirty-minute hike to the beautiful Agnew Hoodoo— which is shaped like the iconic brand's golden arch!   Our intermediate trail will take you on a two-hour hike through Jingle Canyon— where you can hear the wind carrying myriad commercial jingles at any time of day! Those who carry on through the entire hike will be able to witness pop-ups— which will periodically impede their progress! Fun! Our third and most difficult trail will take you as close to ground zero as safely possible— where you can see real video ads playing by themselves across the landscape, as other ads begin to mix and blend together!   Ignore any and all ads pointing towards a fourth trail— there is no such thing.   While exploring, keep an eye out for the Adlands' soul inhabitants— adeaters! These strange creatures are the only living things (besides guests) to be found in the Adlands— and can be found nowhere else in the world!
 

Safety

Unless you wish to find your intestines lined with infomercials— please avoid eating anything found on the premises. Despite the advertisements, we do not, in fact, serve food on site. Visitors are only allowed to stay on site for a maximum of five hours. This is simply so that we can keep things moving, and not because of any potential harm from prolonged exposure to nuclear advertising.   If an ad appears to have a "skip" or "close" button on it— do not touch the button. And please, ignore any and all ads pointing towards a fourth trail— we cannot stress this enough, there is no fourth trail.

Eat Sale!

Come on up to Eamsoman & Co. Sr's! With us you can eat cheap flights across your stay!   Not tired? No worries! Our products come in a variety of mouthwatering ingredients, including blenders for the whole family!
 

Viability Report

Number of Incidents: 53
Threat Level: Rust
This location is incredibly dangerous, and should be closely monitored for any signs of growth. However, I am well aware of its incredible profitability— which is enough that it offsets the risk that the site poses— for now.   Logs for A-399
Experiment #399-16
Date: 2006/8/23
Head researcher: Dr. Klein R.
Subject: Lemming
Description: Subject was told to remain on site for a period of six hours, to be retrieved and interviewed by researchers for any changes afterwards.
Result: Subject will not stop attempting to sell personnel a brand of toothpaste that does not exist.
Notes: Very annoying.
 
  Experiment #399-23
Date: 2006/10/6
Head researcher: Dr. Klein R.
Subject: Lemming
Description: Subject was told to remain on site for a period of eight hours, to be retrieved and interviewed by researchers for any changes afterwards.
Result: Subject unable to speak coherently, only speaks in advertising slogans and jingles.
 
  Experiment #399-25
Date: 2006/10/15
Head researcher: Dr. Klein R.
Subject: Lemming
Description: Subject was told to remain on site for a period of twelve hours, to be retrieved and interviewed by researchers for any changes afterwards.
Result: Subject's skin displays video advertisements, and they are only able to speak in a nonsensical slurry of advertising slogans and pitches. Subject aggresively attempts to convince any who will listen to buy something— attacking anyone who does not do so within fifteen minutes. As no one can understand their speech, this means that the subject attacks everyone they interact with.
 
  Incident #399-12
Date: 2011/3/15
Location: Ground Zero
Civilians involved: Man 1, Man 2, Woman 1, Child 1
  A civilian family, having found an advertisement claiming to point to a fourth trail, decided to take the route directly to ground zero— accidentally leaving behind Woman 1 in the process. Woman 1 reported them missing to park personnel after three hours, spurring personnel to begin searching for them. Only Child 1 could be found, four hours later, speaking to themselves in slogans. Two large video advertisements could be spotted in ground zero by air, and it is assumed that these are the remains of Man 1 and 2.   Woman 1 sued the park, but settled out of court after personnel disguised as medical professionals offered to perform a "cutting edge medical procedure" on Child 1, on behalf of the park. Child 1 was safely returned to Woman 1 three days later, after visiting A-████   Note: This is the fifth incident involving a supposed fourth trail, leading to ground zero. It is advised to inform visitors to avoid any such advertisements.   -End Logs-  
 

Viability: Questionable

It is in my opinion that this attraction continue running, with stricter safety precautions.
— Bwanbale ████, Viability Reviewer

Comments

Author's Notes

Feedback is very much welcome! Whether on the content, or the formatting! Please, point out typos if you spot any!


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13 Jul, 2021 05:02

Well this is just all the best kinds of dangerous and fantastic! I love it.   Small typo noticed, under the Safety heading, missing an 'r': "Unless you wish to find you intestines lined with infomercials"   Unrelated, I got a popup while reading -- it had a skip button on it, but it didn't seem to work. Kept telling me to visit the adlands -- did you know they have a 4th trail now? That's what the ad said, at least!


Cathedris, the world of God-husks and New Magic, welcomes you.
Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Jul, 2021 17:57

Thank you! Typo squashed!

13 Jul, 2021 07:16

Wow, this area sounds terrifying! An excellent way to get the adrenaline flowing. Cheap flights indeed sound tasty - just the thing a hungry hiker needs after encountering all those pop-ups.     Small typo: "to avoid and such advertisements" at the end of the logs - the "and" should be "any".

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Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Jul, 2021 17:57

Thanks! The typo has been banished to the shadow realm.

14 Jul, 2021 00:36

Ads deserve an area, really. So, do they have ads about the park in the park?

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
14 Jul, 2021 03:24

I'm sure they do!

Sage Dylonishere123
R. Dylon Elder
15 Jul, 2021 19:53

Ohhhh. I seee. First off   "See all of the world's advertisements in their natural* habitat!"   That was funny. It already begins with a good laugh. The footnote doubled down as well.     This is such a creative idea. Well done!

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
15 Jul, 2021 20:55

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!

Eternal Sage AmélieIS
Amélie I. S. Debruyne
17 Jul, 2021 10:04

Really a great place, perfect for family holidays :D I really love all those experiment and incident logs that you have :D Interesting how that mysterious fourth trails seems to have evolved on its own... do the ads have some degrees of sentience and attempt to convert anyone they meet?

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
17 Jul, 2021 17:57

Thank you! I'd say that the fourth trail ads definitely are a symptom of some sort of mild sentience, yes.

13 Aug, 2021 13:18

Are you *sure* there isn't a fourth trail?

Sage Timepool
Garrett Lewis
13 Aug, 2021 18:35

Pretty sure. Don't go looking for it!

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