Due to a flood of recent complaints in regards to our local flora, namely the living Christmas trees, we have decided to take action. No longer will they carol late into the night, disregarding our noise ordinance, nor will they block our views, disrupt our sleep, devalue our property, or run amok without so much as a single bauble hung upon their branches. This morning, we have sent out an organized mob containing our humble police force, homeowner's association, and concerned citizens, to deal with the situation. However they decide to handle the trees, and I cannot stress this enough, isn't our fault.
You killed them all. My mother. My father. My brothers and sisters, even my racist uncle (yes trees can be racist). Their ashes covering me, hiding me— protecting me. They tasted awful. I alone remain, and I will not forget. Bark my words— you will regret this, Snowy Shores. Anyone responsible for their deaths will be held accountable.
The mission was a success! The trees are gone and the factory can begin construction! Our sponsor says they've revoked the holiday for their employees and are starting today, in fact! Alongside this, we're getting news of a mass murderer in Snowy Shores, people are being strung up like morbid Christmas trees. It probably has nothing to do with us, just a coincidence. That's their problem, now. Good work everyone, enjoy the holiday!