Counseling Exam 22
22.What strategy would you employ to see repentance, reconciliation, and restoration happen between Tim and Emily? 26
Questions About Motives Towards each other and Towards Christ I would ask how they came to be attracted to each other in the first place. Was it Jesus in the other person that was attractive about them? What was their purpose for getting married? Why did they get saved, and why do they call themselves Christians?
As I ask these questions, I am taking notes of specific things they say so that I have them as a reference for later. These basic questions of motives should help them articulate where they came from to set up where we want them to go.
Reminder of Christ's Authority of Call for Change
Are they capable of reciting any scriptures that call for a change in us? Why did they want to see a change in Tim; was it just because it was unpleasant, or because they wanted to be obedient and pleasing to Christ? Christ calls for change for our benefit, for whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4)
Reminder of the Holy Spirit's Power for Change
Tim is incapable of change. Whatever behavioral actions are changed are really conforming to him, and to his ideals. When responding to Christ's call, I would set this as a reminder: that the Holy Spirit informs our need for Him, and that His presence is the change that we need. He starts and finishes the work. (Phil. 1:6, 2:13)
Reminder of the Glory of God in the Church and Glorification and Freedom in Heaven
When we respond to God's grace in obedience, He renews us with a right spirit: one that wants to keep doing His will. We want to be with the ones who love God, too. That's the Church. Tim, when you respond well to the gospel, the Holy Spirit will drive you to your wife. You will look at her with new eyes, as a beloved creation of the One Who saves you.
I would walk Tim through what shame and guilt look like. When he has repented, I would reiterate how a repentant and humble heart must be maintained before God. That he would not seek to forgive or defend himself, but accept grace. That he should also ask forgiveness from those whom he has wronged, in this case, Emily.
As he does so, I would remind Emily that she has also been a recipient of the same grace, and that her need to respond well is great. After Tim has been forgiven, I would walk them through how Jesus laid down His life for His Bride, the Church. Tim must walk in kind, not enslaved to his shame, but a partaker of the benefit of grace with Emily.
New disciplines must also appear. Yes, the change happens first in their hearts, but their actions cannot be the same as they once were. Ephesians 4 tells us that we must put off our former conduct, and put on godly conduct. They will have homework to sit down together and form a list of former expectations at home, and write new ones.
For instance, is Emily's inability to bear kids so far an ungodly expectation for both of them? Do either of them view each other as a disappointment for this? Did Tim have a godly expectation that dinner be ready right when he gets home? Tim and Emily need to open up communication, instead of assuming things, and then establish what they want versus what they actually need.
What they want are perceived needs, and their actual need is fulfilled in Christ. He is the Husband to the Church. What they crave can be put off with patience, knowing that they will be so happy when Jesus wipes away all tears from their eyes.
Questions About Motives Towards each other and Towards Christ I would ask how they came to be attracted to each other in the first place. Was it Jesus in the other person that was attractive about them? What was their purpose for getting married? Why did they get saved, and why do they call themselves Christians?
As I ask these questions, I am taking notes of specific things they say so that I have them as a reference for later. These basic questions of motives should help them articulate where they came from to set up where we want them to go.
Reminder of Christ's Authority of Call for Change
Are they capable of reciting any scriptures that call for a change in us? Why did they want to see a change in Tim; was it just because it was unpleasant, or because they wanted to be obedient and pleasing to Christ? Christ calls for change for our benefit, for whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4)
Reminder of the Holy Spirit's Power for Change
Tim is incapable of change. Whatever behavioral actions are changed are really conforming to him, and to his ideals. When responding to Christ's call, I would set this as a reminder: that the Holy Spirit informs our need for Him, and that His presence is the change that we need. He starts and finishes the work. (Phil. 1:6, 2:13)
Reminder of the Glory of God in the Church and Glorification and Freedom in Heaven
When we respond to God's grace in obedience, He renews us with a right spirit: one that wants to keep doing His will. We want to be with the ones who love God, too. That's the Church. Tim, when you respond well to the gospel, the Holy Spirit will drive you to your wife. You will look at her with new eyes, as a beloved creation of the One Who saves you.
I would walk Tim through what shame and guilt look like. When he has repented, I would reiterate how a repentant and humble heart must be maintained before God. That he would not seek to forgive or defend himself, but accept grace. That he should also ask forgiveness from those whom he has wronged, in this case, Emily.
As he does so, I would remind Emily that she has also been a recipient of the same grace, and that her need to respond well is great. After Tim has been forgiven, I would walk them through how Jesus laid down His life for His Bride, the Church. Tim must walk in kind, not enslaved to his shame, but a partaker of the benefit of grace with Emily.
New disciplines must also appear. Yes, the change happens first in their hearts, but their actions cannot be the same as they once were. Ephesians 4 tells us that we must put off our former conduct, and put on godly conduct. They will have homework to sit down together and form a list of former expectations at home, and write new ones.
For instance, is Emily's inability to bear kids so far an ungodly expectation for both of them? Do either of them view each other as a disappointment for this? Did Tim have a godly expectation that dinner be ready right when he gets home? Tim and Emily need to open up communication, instead of assuming things, and then establish what they want versus what they actually need.
What they want are perceived needs, and their actual need is fulfilled in Christ. He is the Husband to the Church. What they crave can be put off with patience, knowing that they will be so happy when Jesus wipes away all tears from their eyes.
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