Descent in The Void Between | World Anvil

Descent

Mouse slipped into her suit, Miranda's words heavy on her mind. Jordan didn't seem as concerned. He seemed lost in the ritual of preparing the suit. It was like a dance, his hands folding into the proper shapes as if they remembered the steps.   "You think anyone would do it?" She asked, sitting on a metal bench and staring at the rifle laid against the back of her locker.   "Do what?" Roadrunner asked. He took one look at her face and answered the question himself, "retaliate?" She nodded, and he shook his head, "Maybe but I doubt it. Not directly at least. That was Miranda's way of shooting across the bow."   "A warning?"   "Yeah. Laws on the army's side. Retaliation would be a crime at best, a revolution at worst." Jordan sat beside her and clasped his hand together. "I've seen both worlds. There's a lot of politics behind the wayfarers. We don't get to see much of it. Since the war, the elders have struggled to figure out just what to do with us."   "How so?" She asked.   He sighed. "We're not military, nor a government agency. Despite that, we're armed to the teeth, have a means of producing our own ships, and there's plenty of us with an axe to grind. It could happen, sure, but none of us are keen on pulling a gun on our parents. We fire that shot, and a lot of people we love will die."   "I don't know." A voice said from behind them. Argus grabbed the rifle from her locker. "Some of us don't have parents. I'll admit I considered it. You know who they shot, right?" Mouse and roadrunner shook their heads and she nodded. "That was Nero. He joined less than a month ago. He died without ever leaving the planet. Never been on a ship. He was nice. Didn't deserve that."   Their attention turned to the front of the room. A heavy step echoed off the metal walls as Oracle approached. The suit he wore was new, given to him when he joined Homebound.   He spoke in a whisper, checking around to make sure no one was listening. "I can hear you from the door, guys. Might wanna stop talking about it. The grunts are already nervous."   "Sorry." Mouse said, reaching into her locker and grabbing the rifle. "It was getting to me, that's all."   "You're not the only one." Oracle replied with a nervous smile. "Do you know how close I was to saying no?" No one answered. After a brief silence he cleared his throat. "You guys are with me and Lethe. Stick with us and all will be fine."   "They got Lethe? How'd they do that?" Roadrunner asked.   Oracle laughed and shrugged. "No idea, but she's pissed. They got Styx too, and their kids. Are you guys ready?"   "As ready as I'll ever be," Mouse said, sliding her helmet on.     They followed Oracle out and into a long hall. They dodged people from each direction, some just in the way while others dodged past as they ran down the corridor.   When they got back to the platform in the main lobby, the admiral and the general were gone. When they took the lift up to the surface, Mouse raised her hand to block the sunlight. It took several moments for her eyes to adjust.     She heard the shuttles, the engines whirring all around her. When she could finally see, she saw hundreds of people moving with purpose.   Another wayfarer from Homebound approached. Oracle waved and rushed to meet her. "Which one is ours?" He asked.   Lethe pointed to a shuttle on the far side of the square. "That one, there."   They rushed forward, only stopping when the sight of a man being kicked on the ground caught their attention. He was a soldier, but the woman slamming her feet into his side was a wayfarer. "Not so tough without your gun, are you?"   Lethe stepped forward, her hand out. She pressed against the woman's chest, pushing her back. Lethe screamed, "Where the hell are you supposed to be?"   "Does it matter?" The woman replied.   Lethe nodded, laughing. "Move to your assignment before you get shot. If not by them, then by me."   The woman spat at the man on the ground before retrieving her helmet. "Of all people, I wouldn't expect that from you."   "Don't misunderstand. I get it, but we have bigger problems right now. Move it." The woman nodded and sauntered over to a nearby shuttle.   The soldier stood, nearly stumbling as he struggled to carry his own weight. "Thank-"   "Oh, piss off. I'll gladly shoot you too."      
   
The archivist watched shuttles take to the sky above Dawn. He noticed the clouds gathering in the distance, and took comfort in the fact that rain was coming.   Something caught his eye, the leaves of a nearby bush rustling despite the lack of wind. They were getting bolder with each passing day.   Despite their presence, he never felt unsafe around his uninvited guests. What could they do? At worst they simply made his life inconvenient. It wasn't until he reviewed the footage from the station that he knew to be worried.   What began as a subtle shift in the air turned to theft. Everyday objects disappeared only to be found where he never would have put them. Papers blew to the ground, the faintest sound of footsteps echoed through the archive.   Invicta claimed that they broke into hell, but these were neither demons, nor angels. Where would he even begin?
         
Miranda rolled her eyes. The elders only just sat down, and she was already eager to leave. They sat at a long table, the general sat across from her and the elders sat at the head.   Elder Kines listed off the charges. "I, Elder Leonard Kines, call the council to order. This hearing is to address accusations against one Admiral Miranda Thrace by one General Steve Baker. The charges are attempts to incite a riot, misuse of military rank, and-"   "You can't actually be serious." Miranda said with a chuckle.   The elder paused and gave a smile. "Is something wrong, Miss Thrace?"   "Absolutely," she began. "These charges aren't right. Given the circumstances, I believe inciting a riot wouldn't be valid. Insurrection would be far more appropriate."   The Elders laughed, Leanard in particular. General baker was not as amused. "You do realize that being found guilty of inciting insurrection is punishable by death, right?" He asked.   Miranda nodded. "I do, which is exactly why I know this all for show. If this was a legitimate issue, I'd be facing a punishment fitting the crime."   "All the same," Elder Kines began, his voice raised to stifle any response to her words, "we do need to address what happened."   "What happened?" Miranda said, her face twisted in disgust. "What happened was a young man was gunned down in his own home. He was 21. Who's going to tell that boy's mother? Not the army. What do I even say?"   "General Baker?" Elder Kines said.   "The boy was refusing the call of duty. In accordance with the law, that makes the truce between us and the wayfarers null and void for him. That would make him an enemy of the state."   "Then apprehend him. Don't gun him down." Miranda screamed.   "You said yourself, admiral. The wayfarers are trained better than some of our own special operatives. I imagine the soldier was more than a little nervous."   "He couldn't handle the pressure? That's what you're going with? He got spooked?" Moranda scoffed and folded her arms tightly across her chest. "Fine, I'll buy that, but if that's the case and this soldier couldn't keep calm, why was he given a damn gun?"   "I think we're getting off topic here, don't you agree?" Baker said, his attention turned to the elders.   Kines nodded. "Yes. Miranda, I'm afraid we're not here to discuss the incident with the boy. This is about your conduct in Dawn."   "That incident is the reasoning behind my conduct. Try as you might, it's most definitely relevant." Miranda said, trying to keep her voice down. "What I said was for your benefit, general. Incidents like that cannot happen." She paused and placed a hand on her chest, "Now I don't have to worry. The navy and the wayfarers have enjoyed constant and long-lasting cooperation since the first war. We've fought side by side. I'd like to keep it that way."   "Do you really think the wayfarers would strike back?" Elder Kines asked.   "Not right now, no. The boy was new to their profession and hadn't made many friends from what I understand." Miranda unfolded her arms, straightened herself in her chair, and continued, "that may not be the case next time."   "They're kids, Miranda. They lack discipline. They aren't even organized. That is part of the army's problem with them."   Miranda held out a hand, forcing him to stop before she began speaking, "You measure worth by time spent in service? No wonder we lost all those ground assaults back in the war. Do you know how I got my position, general?"   "I do, and there was more than a little luck involved."   "Right you are. I started as an engineer. Where was I in The Battle of The Pillars?"   "Fighting on unity."   "Yeah. A navy engineer fighting siliue ground troops outside her crashed vessel. Where were you, general?" The general shifted in seat. After a moment of silence, she answered for him, "you were with the elders, held up in that bunker, their bunker. When I was made admiral, I studied our history. Humankind and war go way back. You want to know something I found during my long nights at the archive?"   The general opened his mouth to answer but Miranda cut him off, "It was rhetorical. I found that when people get mad enough, they tend to act." So many wars in our history began with a single incident that happened to piss off enough of the right people. Don't repeat the mistake. Create a martyr and you'll be the one with the rope around your neck. Not me."     "What does this have to do with the charges?" Elder Kines asked.   "The charges brought against me were based on a misunderstanding. What I said was out of concern for his well-being, and that of all Safeharbor citizens. I'd hate to bombard the planet from orbit. I only sought to keep the peace. It showed them they have someone high up that's on their side. Look me in the eye and tell me that wasn't a wise choice."

Dissent



Cover image: by Vectorium

Comments

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Jul 8, 2021 09:25 by Andrew Booth

Well that is certainly... Oh my. The plot thickens. I love the dynamics here. I always get a happy little blip when I see one of your article notifications pop across my dash because they're so cool! Can't wait to see what's next :)

Aug 12, 2021 17:41 by R. Dylon Elder

My friend, I'm sorry it took so long but let me say thank you. I appreciate it so much.

Jul 8, 2021 14:21

Ooohhhh, it's THEM!!! I know that wasn't the focus of this otherwise great article, but as you can see, I can't wait!

Jul 11, 2021 06:19

oh, cool. 'descent' and 'dissent'. I see what you did there.   Right now I'm wondering why the mysterious 'sin eaters' would bother with annoying the archivist when murder is usually a much more effective option...

Jul 13, 2021 15:21 by Avalon Arcana

It's official. I'm reading a fantastic, intreguing, captivating book in article form. For FREE. Well done, amazing, going to binge the rest of it one sec.

You should check out the The 5 Shudake, if you want of course.
Jul 13, 2021 22:26 by Time Bender

Wow, this is incredible! I get so engrossed every time I read one of these articles about The Void Between. Great job! :D

Aug 3, 2021 09:25 by Kaleidechse

Wow, another awesome piece of writing!   I love the discussion between the Wayfarers and the fact that they are too reasonable to pick a fight with the soldiers at this time. Well, most of them, at least. I love how Lethe cut the soldier off when he tried to thank her for intervening. And heh, the general totally did the equivalent of running to Mommy and Daddy because Miranda has been mean to him. I love how she completely owns the conversation, having a spot-on answer for everything that they throw at her.   Finally, in the middle of all the politics and rising tension between the factions, there's the ominous bit with the archivist and his annoying "guests"... I can't wait to learn more about those.


Creator of the Kaleidoscope System and the planet Miragia.
Aug 3, 2021 22:30 by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull

Very intriguing. And a little unsettling.

Emy x   Etrea | Vazdimet
Aug 12, 2021 17:43 by R. Dylon Elder

Indeed, the plot thickens!

Aug 12, 2021 09:05 by TC

Oooh man, the plot, the tensions- I love it all so much! You do a fantastic job of illustrating the tensions and animosity between the army and the wayfarers, and Miranda is an absolute genius whom I love a lot. Also oh boy these Thems are just so damn intriguing aaaah!!!

Creator of Arda Almayed
Aug 12, 2021 17:43 by R. Dylon Elder

Wow man you hinged this season like a Netflix show. I'm honored, like thank you so much for the love! I'm glad your enjoying it!

Aug 12, 2021 17:58 by TC

Lmaoo I really did do just that, I mean its such a great world to binge! Really perfect, and now I'm just on the edge of my seat waiting for the finale !!!

Creator of Arda Almayed
Aug 12, 2021 18:12 by R. Dylon Elder

Soooooon I'm working on it as we speak!

Aug 18, 2021 00:06 by Grace Gittel Lewis

Descent/Dissent— a nice touch! THINGS ARE GETTING JUICY!

Aug 29, 2021 04:12 by Jacob Billings

Oh my gosh. A full prose article again? That's fun! Sorry this comment is a bit late and probably the last one for about a week. We'll see what I have time for, but don't expect too much for a bit. (I'll still be trying, though)  


 
folding into the proper shapes as if they remembered the steps.

This is a bit hard to pick apart as it could be construed as completely metaphorical which can technically make it ok. However, there are a few things that disrupt this and could be slightly altered to improve the comprehendability of the passage. Specifically, the connection between fingers, folding, and shapes causes confusion. The fingers are not literally contorting into shapes. They are bend twisting and tying fabrics/buttons together. Equally so, it's the formation of the suit that is in shape as the fingers would be more likely to follow pattern. This bit is really hard to explain, but it sits kind of weirdly with me. On the other hand, I can definitively state that "as if they remembered the steps" could easily be written as "dancing to steps long since ingrained in memory" or some other more poetic version as muscle memory. (Sorry, this comment has been written over the past 3 days as I progressively got more and more tired).  
"Do what?" Roadrunner asked. He took one look at her face and answered the question himself, "retaliate?"

This could be a typo, but the r in retaliate needs to be capitalized. Everything indicates it's a new line (the question mark on the previous dialogue, the period on the sentence, and the other pause) and dialogue that's a new line ALWAYS is capitalized.  
Maybe but I doubt it.

It's really weird to think about, but "maybe" as a response is a independent clause, so there probably should be a comma before the but.   Wait. Roadrunner's name is Jordan? I think that I already knew his actual name but now I'm confused because I don't ever remember reading the name Jordan before...  
"How so?" She asked.

I think you've mentioned writing on your phone occasionally... But I would suggest paying way more attention to how you capitalize as this may or may not be from that. Anyway, I've mentioned before, but dialogue tags with direct connections (even if an exclamation point or questionmark replace the comma) are considered an extension of the sentence and therefore not capitalized.  
Mouse and roadrunner shook their heads and she nodded.

I don't think there's anything technically wrong with this, but it's not quite ideal. You don't really use the name of Argus to clarify who nods as one could assume it was someone else or a weird thing. (Also, Roadrunner should be capitalized). Anyway, I would separate it into longer clauses. You could leave it as "Mouse and Roadrunner shook their heads. Argus nodded." That clarifies things a touch and helps out the weird grammar. Alternatively, you might go with something more like "Mouse and Roadrunner shook their heads, Argus responding with a slow nod."  
"Sorry." Mouse said, reaching into her locker and grabbing the rifle. "It was getting to me, that's all." "You're not the only one." Oracle replied

Another dialogue punctuation thing. I hadn't been paying attention to it since I had been reading from relatively zoomed out, but I can now confirm that you are punctuating dialogue wrong. You end sentences with commas if you add a dialogue tag. Periods are for mid-dialogue sentence ends and if you immediately jump into action/skip the dialogue tag (in any other way). Hence my previous comment about capitalization. I'm not checking, but it looks like you do this a lot.  
When they got back to the platform in the main lobby, the admiral and the general were gone. When they took the lift up to the surface, Mouse raised her hand to block the sunlight.

I feel like I say this a lot... Sorry. But I should point it out in case you miss it. Anyway, you repeat the clause structure When (Prepositional Phrase)... (Cause).  
Lethe screamed, "Where the hell are you supposed to be?" "Does it matter?" The woman replied. Lethe nodded, laughing. "Move to your assignment before you get shot. If not by them, then by me."

Sometimes you can get away without including more adjectives/adverbs, but here, this doesn't work at all. Lethe yells, giving an indication of genuine and instantaneous anger (I'm already a bit torn here as it feels more like she would command/demand rather than jumping to total rage). Anyway, afterward, she just jumps to "nodded, laughing," which technically can infer that she was being sarcastic and instantly jumps to a stern tone. Firstly, there are no words that portray sarcasm nor any change in tone between the laughing and talking. I'm not sure I'm portraying it right, but holy cow is that a jump and holy cow does it feel out of place.  
The woman nodded and sauntered over to a nearby shuttle. The soldier stood, nearly stumbling as he struggled to carry his own weight. "Thank-"

After the last one, this is relatively minor. Anyway, your timeline of events is a bit off here. "sauntered over to a nearby shuttle" immediately followed by the line indicates that she sauntered off before anything else happened. I suggest that you consider using a word more like "sauntering toward a nearby shuttle." This one is really minor and something that I probably do on occasion as well, so it's not a big deal.  
"Oh, piss off. I'll gladly shoot you too."

Another Lethe line that just confuses me. She's angry, she's laughing, and now she's being rude. There's not really any consistency.  
He noticed the clouds gathering in the distance, and took comfort in the fact that rain was coming.

You don't need the comma. If you take "took comfort in the fact that rain was coming" has no subject, therefore, it isn't an independent clause, it's not a compound sentence, and needs no comma.  
Something caught his eye, the leaves of a nearby bush rustling despite the lack of wind. They were getting bolder with each passing day.

There are two things here. Firstly, your phrasing of the first sentence is really odd. The phrase "Something caught his eye" should either be a complete sentenced followed by a long description; conversely, it could be followed by a colon. The comma doesn't function as a proper structure would look more like "The rustling of the leaves on a nearby bush despite the lack of wind causht his eye." That's not quite perfect, but it's a bit better as the currect structuring is really weird. Also, what were getting bolder with each passing day?   Oh my god. I'm so confused!!! I think this is intention (if not, uhh, what?) But this is really interesting. I especially like the line about the shifting air turning to theft. It was a really strong line.  
neither demons, nor angels.

You were doing this before with your "or"s. I don't know if you picked up on it or not, but I know this was written long before that comment. Anyway, I'm going to state why this is wrong, so you can skip it if you already know. Anyway, or can be a coordinating conjuction like and. However, if you thlink of lists, and only needs a comma when in multiple items (which is the oxford comma, not the conjunction comma). A similar theory of grammar applies to "or" as you only need a comma around it in lists or with full independent clauses. (ANYWAY, this line was also nice)  
The elders only just sat down, and she was already eager to leave.

Ooh. Another application of the previous line coming into play. Because you include the "only just," you turned the opening clause into a dependent clause. Therefore, you don't need the comma since a coordinating conjuction is able to hold the sentence together all on its own.  
They sat at a long table, the general sat across from her and the elders sat at the head.

A different application of combining clauses. By giving verbs to each of the listed individuals, you give the sentence 3 full clauses and a comma. In this case, the easier solution would be "the general across from here and the elders at the head"  
Elder Kines listed off the charges. "I, Elder Leonard Kines, call the council to order. This hearing is to address accusations against one Admiral Miranda Thrace by one General Steve Baker. The charges are attempts to incite a riot, misuse of military rank, and-"

Sorry. I'm apparently in the mood to hypernitpick today. This isn't quite right as the elder doesn't list off charges. They conveign the meeting before getting into buisness. The wording of the dialogue tag should match as it presently doesn't.  
The elder paused and gave a smile. "Is something wrong, Miss Thrace?"

I would actually suggest that you give a character to the smile. I understood it as "gave a smile, though her eyes were wrinkled with clear disdain for Miranda's interruption." It gives it a bit more character. You can probably convey it in fewer words with a better vocab, but I'm a bit too distracted to bother.  
The Elders laughed, Leanard in particular.

I feel like the "in particular" phrase may not work here? This might be about preference, but I would personally go for something more akin to "Leanard's laughter ringing out above the others" as it suggests character isntead of a peculiarity which might indicate subjectivity.  
"Then apprehend him. Don't gun him down." Miranda screamed.

In my mind, Miranda has been a bit more passive agressive here, especially with how she interrupted. I personally read this line as more of an exasperated line expostulating against the actions of the wayfarers.  
Baker said, his attention turned to the elders.

A lot of your dialogue in this is without voice to it. You could easily replace the word "said" with "deflected" in this case. I know I'm slightly contradicting a previous comment, but I do believe I also said that it is important to include adjectives when using the world said instead of a stronger verb.  
"Not right now, no. The boy was new to their profession and hadn't made many friends from what I understand." Miranda unfolded her arms, straightened herself in her chair, and continued, "that may not be the case next time."

She's not continuing. Firstly, you ended the sentence with the period. Secondly, it'd be way more impactful if you made it a separate line by utilizing the built in pause so it could be read as "from what I understand.... there was a slight pause. But that might not be the case next time." It's impactful and represents the importance of the line.  
After a moment of silence, she answered for him, "you were with the elders, held up in that bunker, their bunker.

Two punctuation things here. One gramattical (again) and one stylic (...again). Firstly, capitalize dialogue. I know I already said it in this comment, but it's a HUGE probelm. Secondly, I would implore you to change it to "that bunker. Their bunker" because it alienates the general from the action and, again, further emphasizes the line. This fits the mounting anger and semi-passivity with which Miranda has been portrayed.  
  Hmm. Sorry again about the delay on this comment and the length of it. Also, I was wondering what the reasoning behind the choice to transform the name from descent to dissent. I doubled checked the meanings and it's kind of interesting to consider that the title technically reads descent "into" dissent. It's really cool, if that was the intentional meaning, especially with the devolution of the story. I liked it, though there were some lines that didn't quite hit (I think that I've mentioned a few things about that). I did enjoy reading it though!

Aug 29, 2021 10:50 by R. Dylon Elder

Ah. You got ahead of me. I haven't touched this since writing it. Oof. So I do agree with some, while others are a little iffy just cause of how I write. But all points are valid. I usually catch the bad punctuation and capped pronouns, though one or two do slip by. Also... I have no idea why Lethe is laughing. She shouldnt be. No idea at all. I woulda caught that. Sorry. Ive been distracted. I'll be getting ahead of you by the time you get back in and hopefully alot of this will be addressed in the future. It's been hectic. Thanks so much.

Jan 29, 2022 13:57 by Morgan Biscup

You have such a great way of showing the politics and the people in such depth with just the right strokes of the keyboard. Efficient and very well done.

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