To Elizabeth

It's been a while since i wrote you, honestly i wasn't sure if you'd talk to me after what I've done. you never liked when i would come home covered in blood. i always assured you it wasnt mine but, i think that's what bothered you most. i did try to change like you asked. find the meaning in this man made hell. you dont know how bad it is out there, the things ive seen, the things ive had to do to keep you and me safe. no, thats a lie....you knew. you knew and you still loved me. i never truly felt i deserved you love but, i am lucky to know i had it.
look im about to do something that might mean forsaking the man i was when i was with you, but i cant keep finding hope at the end of this bottle. that life is the only thing thats familiar now. i promise if i stumble on a chance to leave i will. hell...i dont know why im lying to you of all people. "you rather come home in a body bag than have dinner with me" i used to laugh at that argument all the time. how you could still love....its getting late. my ride leaves soon so i guess this is goodbye for now. i promise not to come back with too much blood on my hands this time. i would like the chance to see you again.