Meratar's story was full of controversy even before he was conceived. His mother Shynt'vyrae was proving to be unconventional in her values, causing her mother Drisintralin some concern. Among the noble families, young Shynt'vyrae was seen rather progressive compared to the official stances of Great Matron Council.

She took liking to Durimar of house Onyxshard, talented warrior and swordfighter that who was viewed to be too low in the social ladder for her, causing a small scandal. With Shynt'vyrae's persistence and Durimar's ascension in ranks of Yanta Menothar, couple was eventually allowed to marry, becoming a power couple of their generation.

After Silver Shore Island had ended under the jurisdiction of Empire of Islenor, drow of Silver Shore Island did not come to terms of the new rulers of the land. Failed negotiations ended up to murder of Drisintralin Shadowblade, raising her daughter the matron of the house and military leader among her people.

As the cold war between the Silver Shore's drow and high elves of Islenor started, Shynt'vyrae became the leader of her people in the worst possible time. While she proved to be a capable leader, with the pressures of ruling started to take a toll on Shynt'vyrae's mental and physical health. Losing family members, friends, and allies became commonplace, making it increasingly hard to cope with her anxieties. To everyone's joy, however, Shynt'vyrae learned she was pregnant for her firstborn, and people wished eagerly for the birth of a baby princess to boost morale.

In 5th of Nov, 3609 Durimar Shadowblade died in a mission, protecting his people. Her husband's death mortified Shynt'vyrae. While his heroic deeds granted Durimar the title of Saint among his people, this gave no comfort to his greaving wife. The event has been since speculated to be the tipping point, where Shynt'vyrae's mental state started crashing down. Only a few days later Shynt'vyrae went in labor out of stress, way before the estimated birth.

To add salt to the wounds of the grieving matron, she gave birth to no princess, but a sickly little prince. The boy had twisting legs and was small and barely breathing, first speculated as stillborn. He would, however, have the dragon scales of Shadowblade family, and blood-red eyes of his father. Healers doubted the child wouldn't last overnight and offered to let him out of his misery, considering at most merciful option. Shynt'vyrae refused. Instead, she told her servants to take the child and make sure he would be taken care of. They ordered to guarantee that the boy would be as comfortable as possible, but they were instructed not to revive him if he would die. According to her own words, she owned that to her late husband. After that, she would leave the boy to the servants and name him Meratar, Doomed Prince, as she believed he'd be soon gone.

Against all the odds, little Meratar did live a day, then another, then a week, month, and soon a year - but al this time his mother refused to see him.

Despite the rocky start, Meratar would survive. His mental skills started to develop as expected, where his physicality would stay behind. He would stay his first years as painfully small, and his legs would grow so twisted that he was thought never to walk. He would be kept in his room and never to leave it to more than a few moments in the balcony or the gardens of the palace, always tended by a handful of carefully selected servants. No one else was to see him or interact with him, so for a good while he stayed hidden from the rest of the world.

In his first six years, his whole life revolved around an area of less than 50 square meters. His only touch to the world outside were the servants and stories they told, as well as his sizable bedroom window that opened up to streets of Netehdrez. He would spend his time with books, gifts by his mother, and watching people far below his window.

As Underdark is a cruel place to live, many of the tending servants took a harsh approach to raise the young prince. They would guarantee In such a dangerous environment, the defenseless cripple child was considered as a burden and teaching that to them as a valuable lesson for survival. As such, Meratar was made very aware from a young age he was only living out of his mother's mercy and father's noble sacrifice. While the young boy endeared some of the few servants, others would be cold and unforgiving. To cope with his environment, Meratar started to show sheepish behavior but also began to bargain with his servants for things like food and gossip to better his position. Training to read people and their needs to negotiate with them caused more than enough trouble for him but proved to be his most effective means to survive.

As Meratar had terrible legs, he would mostly move by dragging himself around or was carried by the servants. At the age of 3, however, the boy started to force himself to stand with varying results. Servants reported this behavior to his mother, who sent healers to examine him. Healer declared that there might be a way to repair Meratar's legs, and the skills of healers were put to the test. For the next three years, Meratar's legs were slowly bent to their position by leg bracers, letter straps, and magic, which proved to be a painful endeavor. Little Meratar proved to be strong-willed though, and despite the pain and being tired quickly, he soldiered on the treatment and practiced his shaky steps whenever possible.

At the age of six, the cosmetic problems with Meratar's legs were solved, though his legs would remain weak for a while. He would keep a strange waddle in his walk for decades to come, but it would eventually disappear, only reappearing when he got tired. While his ability to move was still minimal, for the first time since his birth, his mother was taking an interest in him.

He was called from his chambers, made pretty and presentable by the servants. For the first time he was allowed to venture outside of a few rooms he knew to rest of the castle so that he could be presented to his mother. Meratar would have dinner in his mother's presence and couraged to sing to her. For Meratar, whose mother had always been this almost mythical character, this was a momentous occasion. After the meeting, his life would change drastically.

While mainly calm and well maintained, Dezzner suffers PTSD symptoms and feelings of heavy disassociation in stressful environments. Typical to people with anxiety, sudden, uninvited touch can cause him discomfort, making him seem colder as a person than he is. He touches and lets his self to be touched only by people he feels relative trust towards, and in moments he feels safe or perceives it to bring feelings of safety.

Dezzner is pleasant and polite most of the time and avoids speaking of his own emotions, mostly due to his incapability to put them into words. It's far more likely to learn things about him from others than it is from himself, as he seems unwilling and unable to speak about his own inner life, past or present unless he really needs to. Even when he does tell things, they are well-constructed snippets, only containing exactly the right amount of information to give his point across. While he enjoys performing and some attention, he is notoriously hard to get perform anything, as that reminds him of times where he simply existed as his mother's entertainment and toy.

"I am not a Circus monkey."

In moments of hard decisions and actions, it's common for Dezzner to feel a deep sense of detachment and disassociation from the situation and himself, making him sound like an entirely different person. It is good to note, however, that while Dezzner experience these moments as acts of someone else, he does consider them still as his own actions (read more under the "Attitude, and values") and considers himself responsible for said actions.

Acts of containing and controlling individuals and their ability to decide for themselves are both anxiety and anger-inducing for Dezzner. Despite being known as a mental manipulator, he is rather adamant of not giving orders, but giving suggestions, even if perceived otherwise. He is sensitive to notice possible boundaries broken by individuals and when situations are about to slip into the realm of abuse, even when the situation is relatively harmless. This puts him in a particularly tricky spot, as his instinct is to guide people and end up in power positions, while he feels deeply uncomfortable in a pure leadership role and being the constant center of attention.

While not exactly claustrophobic, Dezzner is uncomfortable with being restrained, confined, or otherwise contained from free movement. Even when he would otherwise be perfectly fine just with just staying in one place the whole day, a knowledge that he cannot leave a space or move in it can make him restless and trying to break out, just to keep the option of free movement available.

The unfortunate crippling effect that mangled Dezzner's legs echoes to his state of being to this day. He disassociates heavily from the pain he is experiencing, especially when said pain affects his legs. While his body reacts to pain, he doesn't always realize he is in pain, which has previously caused him further injure himself or tolerate painful situations. This is just as much a blessing as it is a curse.

When in Mori'tarna or under the influence of his mother for extended periods of time, Dezzner's otherwise fixed limp can suddenly resurface involuntarily. As this is a psychosomatic effect, he has very little control over it.

Dezzner has been so customer to be vilified, that he has very little to no reaction to any moral judgment people make of him. Acutely aware that he is going to be considered as a monster and a failure regardless of what he does, he puts no value for purely moral or feeling based arguments. He has learned in his long life that he takes no pleasure from suffering and rather works towards justice, and bases his actions on what he believes to be the best action to move towards that goal.

Loyal, caring, gentle, and supportive are words used to describe Dezzner by those closest people of his life, yet his aloof, scheming feeling exterior with his brutal sounding values don't immediately give that impression. The distance he keeps and harshness of his words he may display is not out of cruelty or indifference, but from a genuine belief that it is the best way to help others grow to their best selves. His success depends a lot from person to person.

In hard situations where others hesitate, Dezzner easily takes to himself to make the hard, uncomfortable decisions, in the belief they must be done. Dezzner rarely regrets these decisions, though he may feel sadness from them, though he does hide it when possible.

"Every story needs a villain, and sometimes it has to be you. Sometimes the only way to defend what you believe in is to work against them, to shield them from harm."