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Freeman

Jorelsin

Hakim El Amri | Member Since 23 Feb, 2018
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18 Jan, 2019 20:08

could i suggest some changes to the Oikos description paragraph one line one should probably be the possessive of it, its   line four of the same paragraph mortal should not be possesive   throught the text there is used as a possesive for they and should be replaced with their   Paragraph 2 has a bit of a run on sentence. I would suggest breaking it up

18 Jan, 2019 20:09

also in the final line heroes does not need to be possessive

@ Jorelsin
Hakim El Amri
19 Jan, 2019 23:12

I just took a look at it and I see what you mean. I did some more changes to make it read a bit better (in my opinion) but not sure if I made the possessiveness of the last "heroes" go down a notch

23 Jan, 2019 02:16

hey thanks. I think my suggestions were really vague. so in line one "seen it self torn apart" should be "seen its self torn apart" line 3 Oikos to Oiko's and year to years. paragraph 2 line 1 there to their line 4 self to selves   Hope that helps

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